NRx# freed me from the anger that Western philosophy had given me, and for that I am eternally grateful. Of course it wasn't all neoreaction. I did quite a lot of self-analysis and also some weed helped.
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The weed threatened to give me an anxiety disorder so I quit. (Weed can cause panic attacks). Then I quit reading Neoreactionary blogs and listening to podcasts because they were giving me a new kind of rage over Western decline.
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Ideology is like medicine: all medicines are also poisons in high quantities. You have to use the right medicine and only in the lowest dose necessary to cure the disease. You have to use one ideology to free yourself from another, but avoid getting enslaved to the new ideology.
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You take enough reactionary ideology to cure you of all spooks; "rising above," "liberation," "equality," "tolerance," "salvation," "social justice," etc., without falling into new spooks; "White genocide," "gas the you-know-hoos," etc.
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I managed to gain quite a lot of peace from this. But my peace is unstable, a song on the radio can make it come crashing down. When I am not at peace my new emotion is dread: Like the shoe is going to drop. I have identified two sources for this dread: fear of being alone, and
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fear that I will still be living in America when civil war comes. I need a wife and an exit, and I want is yesterday. Lately I have seen people becoming eager to witch hunt. I fear that their moral passion may set them on a course to self-annihilation.
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I fear being caught in this process. I even fear certain neighbors. I fear the day when virtue signaling becomes mandatory since I am bad at deception and too smart/independent/whatever to sincerely believe any of it. I fear being ruled by idiots.
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I want to escape this country, but I need to be established in my profession in order to get a green card. I am in a career race against the apocalypse, and this is distracting me from the other thing, the job of finding a woman.
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I feel pressed for time like I have about 3 years to GTFO. I'm good at predicting political events. I have predicted the last 7 presidential elections. 3 years isn't the civil war; it's the point I think when exit become impossible without crossing illegally.
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It's the point at which I think "you have to lose you wealth" if you want to leave.
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