ADHDean

@ADHDeanASL

Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. I follow funny and block meanness. Motto: Don’t be an ass, don’t smell like ass

Alabama The Beautiful
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    25. ruj 2018.

    Shitposting, but in real life with words spoken aloud to people face to face.

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    Who needs reality tv when you can watch two strangers flirt at the gym?

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    When all your plants suddenly die and you scramble to figure out what to grow, remember that it’s not a crisis, it’s a cropportunity.

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 59 minuta

    My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    “It’s All Good In The Hood” - No it’s not - Who still says hood? - You fucking liar “Everything Hurts In The Universe” - Much more accurate - Life is pain - Hannah take me back, I can change - Hannah, please

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [Reading the letters on the vision chart] Me: O-I-C -haha that's clever what you did there Optometrist: wtf? no, you're not even facing the right direction

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 8 sati

    her: now give me your sexy look me:

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 9 sati

    Me: *holding marsupial* I'm getting in some real koala-ty time [Later] Coroner: we've never seen one of these gentle creatures punch clean through someone's pelvis before

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    wish the surgeon who said I'd be lucky to walk again could see the two miles i just walked.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    His palms are spaghetti Knees weak, arms spaghetti He’s a doll I made out of cooked spaghetti

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Things I've swallowed: -food - my pride -drinks -semen - the emotional lump in my throat -saliva -insects -pussy juice -probs a few stray pubes but I will not swallow your bullshit

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 8 sati

    I want Alexa to ask me about the weather. I’d like to be the one who knows things for a change

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    gooooob morning. i’ve made a list. of the things i’d like to happen today 3. pancakes 9. nice walk. with limited running 5. nap in the sun 5. pancakes 2. a little snuggle

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Shhhhhhhhh. Nothing else on the internet matters today.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata

    [at the gym] guy: bro turn that down me: [blasting baby shark in my airpods] no. not this time

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    We're seven episodes deep into a new show on Netflix and we're still referring to characters as "Mr. Mustache" and "The Guy with the Hat" because we're too lazy and stupid to memorize a few names.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    My girlfriend and I have a debate about who is bendier, because she's dancer bendy and I'm martial arts bendy and combined we are Captain Planet

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    Miraculously, 12k of you follow me & I like the number 12 since it’s a multiple of 3, so lets celebrate accounts that under 3k. If you are 3k & under, drop a tweet from you &/or one from a friend under 3k. If you’re over, still feel free to drop a tweet from an under 3k friend.

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    wife: our tax refund was so much lower than i expected. me: nothing is lower than i expect. wife: did we do something wrong? me: i do everything wrong. wife: me: probably something with exemptions.

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    3 year old threw herself across her dad’s lap. Her face was covered in peanut butter and she kept yelling “I WANNA COLOR.” Then she cried. Then she wanted a hug. Then she took off her shirt and yelled about how hot it was. Who needs drunken nights out when you’ve got toddlers?

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    i’m just here to find out how many moments of weakness one person can have in a day

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