Thanks. This was good to read today.
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There’s a ton of “good enough” moms out there.
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It can be really hard to pass up an opportunity to blame an actual person as the cause of all your problems.
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My abusive mother loves in her own narcissistic way but I cannot say she is fundamentally loving. I accept her as she is, with no expectations and I find my love elsewhere.
End of conversation
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I had an abusive, narcissistic mum. I know there are good mums out there and God knows I try to be one of those, but I suspect mothers who do damage to their kids are more common than "rare".
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As the adult child of a narcissist mother (whose mother was also a narc abuser) I very much agree. The trope of the abusive mother IME is far more commonly used to coerce and control mothers in to acting against their own interests or the interests of their child/ren.
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I feel this is true, mothers are people and there is a tendency to think they should be perfect. But I will say, it wasn’t until I had children that I realised quite how much my mother hated me.
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Women do 80% of the parenting of children even in two parent hetero homes, plus single moms, plus poverty is often the main issue with neglect, making for women being very underrepresented. Men do less than 20% of parenting, but abusers far more often than that.
End of conversation
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