The unstable, desperate people who turn to transition because they are hungry for a community, to escape, to change themselves. How many trans suicides are cited as evidence of transphobia when in reality they are the tragic end to a life spent drowning in confusion?
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I was suicidal throughout my transition. I was hospitalized for mental health twice during that time, once against my will. Had I really hurt myself, would my story be lumped in there with the other trans suicide statistics? Just another statistic about depressed trans youth?
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Had I killed myself, activists could have dug into my life and saw that I was raising money for top surgery, and that my parents didn’t want me to transition. Had I killed myself, my story would be PERFECT for trans activists to drive home their point.
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That if I had gotten surgeries and my parents had taken me to a gender clinic at the age of 14, I would never have felt any of the pain I did. But that isnt my story. My story is that of a girl with an eating disorder, life long depression, isolation, & nonexistent self worth.
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My story is that of a girl who was in so much pain, so lost, so desperate to escape the suffering that for five years she anguished over the accursed body, name, face she felt held her captive that she did anything she could to free herself from it. She transitioned.
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And when injecting a needle full of synthetic testosterone into her leg every week didn’t answer any of her questions, ease any of her pain, or change any of the things in her life that were making her miserable, she began to feel more suicidal with every milliliter.
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Had I killed myself, all of this would be erased. My own parents might have regretted the way they fought for me. CNN might have shown my picture and lamented the transphobia that killed me. I would cease to be a complicated individual in need of well rounded, compassionate help
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And become another leelah alcorn, who would still be alive if not for the high cost of surgery or Christian parents. So let’s mourn the tragedy of the people who, for their own complex and excruciating reasons, have committed suicide only to become an activist talking point.
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The only thing worse than a tragic untimely death is when the soul of the deceased is bastardized, their struggle muddled and lost forever to the fabric of time. I see them. I see myself. I see the alternate reality I have escaped by just a hair too many times.
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We will never know how many people like this exist and how many will continue to die and be misunderstood by their therapists, peers, the media, and this god awful movement. But we can speak out so people who are still alive know they have hope and are not alone. Rest In Peace.
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@threadreaderapp Please unroll.
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Replying to @4th_WaveNow
Hola there is your unroll: Thread by
@lacroicsz: "“And once their transition is finished, they still take their own lives or are traumatized and continue living with suic […]" https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1119336019218915330.html … Talk to you soon.
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