Trans boys always hated wearing dresses, and would scream until they were off. So did I. But these kids had always known... I couldn't possibly be trans. But I'm an intelligent person. I overanalyzed every thought and action and word in my life until I made it make sense.
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At first it wasn't "Im a boy", it was "Im anything besides a girl." As if it was a dirty word. The way boys say it on the playground. I imagined how I would feel if my body was a boys. CORRECTION: I imagined how Id feel if my chubby, acne covered body was a tall, lanky, boy body.
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The trans boys in those videos.. They showed before pictures of their old selves with scene bangs and acne and curves in all the "wrong" places. They looked like me then. Now they looked like the result when you google "hot tumblr boys." They laughed at those before pictures.
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If I could never become one of the black and white faceless thigh gaps, then maybe I could become the beaming boy with the swooping hair who say's his muscles really started showing up after T. He used to be a girl like me. I was meant to be a boy. I have always been a boy.
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After "coming out" on tumblr, my followers skyrocketed. I was never super popular, but had around 3,000 at one point. Before, I couldn't have had over 600. I created a queer Harry Potter network. It amassed hundreds of members, mostly trans. We didn't take too kindly to cisgays.
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My goal went from diet pills to testosterone. From UGW (ultimate goal weight) to transition goals. From fantasies about slicing off my thigh fat to slicing off my breasts. I bound them with duct tape. I couldn't breathe. It made me panic, but I felt brave.
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For the 1st time my parents couldnt tell me I didnt know what I was talking about, or that I was too young, or that I had to be a certain way, because the world was backing me up. Teenage defiance became a revolution. I was the Robespierre, and call out posts were the guillotine.
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The stage of Tumblr discourse was where I acted out my most primal urges, purged my deepest insecurities. At least now it wasn't a toilet. I was invigorated. I had a purpose, an identity, a community, a goal. I had salvation. I had found. Fucking. Salvation.
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And so it went on for three years, until just weeks after my 18th birthday, I managed to get testosterone. "Hmmmm," I thought, "way easier and less gatekeep-y than I expected..." After 15 months, a changed body, a broken family, and a twisted mind, I detransitioned February 2018.
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And that is my experience with
#ROGD. How it happened and what I was thinking. Believe it or not, this is a simplified account. There is no shame in admitting this happened to you. It was both painful and invigorating. I still felt suicidal throughout most of it. It. Is. Real.18 replies 14 retweets 134 likesShow this thread
@threadreaderapp please unroll this important thread.
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Replying to @4th_WaveNow
Hello, there is your unroll: Thread by
@lacroicsz: " is real and I experienced it. This is a thread, and it turned out pretty long. Oops. As a child, I don't think I c […]"#ROGD https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1061376706768969728.html … Have a good day.
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