American Spirit: you started smoking because it was popular with your hipster friends, you have way too much cash, you care abt organic food
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Bugler/rollie: "I'm trying to quit" or you just love spliffs
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Cloves: you hate yourself and everyone around you
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E-cigs: we get it,
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Cigarette-colored ceramic one-hitters: dude who the fuck do you think you're fooling
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Kools: black, but you're not poor
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A pipe: You own a Douay-Rheims Bible, but most of your "Biblical allusions" actually involve The Silmarillion
End of conversation
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