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So yeah, when I'm intimidated or frightened or sad, I immediately turn to anger and bravado because that's what has always kept me safe. It still does I go home and I cry there, where it's safe. Sometimes it takes days to feel whatever I feel, but I feel it just like anyone else
I am fucking terrified Every. Single. Time EVERY TIME I do it to prove to myself I'm not a coward and because if we're all being honest I get off on the adrenaline But I'm always scared
It really bothers me when people assume it means I don't have feelings because frankly it happens a lot and it's played havoc on my personal life So it gets under my skin sometimes Like now
I guess I'm hoping posting this will help me feel less invisible and trapped in my own head, enough to outweigh the 50,000 "cry more" responses I'll be receiving shortly Thanks for listening
(epilogue 12 hours later: thank you everyone for your overwhelming support and kind words, it means a lot to me seriously)
I know this. You ain't alone.
Bravery requires fear. You can't be brave if you aren't afraid. I'm sorry you're struggling with misperceived emotions. :(
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