I'm about to break the first rule of covering the far right. I'm gonna admit I'm upset about something For a week now, people have laughed and told me I'm clearly not intimidated by men with guns threatening me because I don't "act intimidated" There's some baggage there for me
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And they let me out and everything was fine because to complain they would have had to admit what they did If anything, they had more respect for me after that That's the world I came of age in
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So yeah, when I'm intimidated or frightened or sad, I immediately turn to anger and bravado because that's what has always kept me safe. It still does I go home and I cry there, where it's safe. Sometimes it takes days to feel whatever I feel, but I feel it just like anyone else
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I am fucking terrified Every. Single. Time EVERY TIME I do it to prove to myself I'm not a coward and because if we're all being honest I get off on the adrenaline But I'm always scared
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It really bothers me when people assume it means I don't have feelings because frankly it happens a lot and it's played havoc on my personal life So it gets under my skin sometimes Like now
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I guess I'm hoping posting this will help me feel less invisible and trapped in my own head, enough to outweigh the 50,000 "cry more" responses I'll be receiving shortly Thanks for listening
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(epilogue 12 hours later: thank you everyone for your overwhelming support and kind words, it means a lot to me seriously)
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End of conversation
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WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!
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Holy fucking shit...this is no joke.
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Jesus Christ
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I've literally laughed in the face of someone pointing a knife at my unarmed ass, and while I'm alright with spiders, I'd have broken down if anyone got bees anywhere near me. You're a hell of a lot braver than I, and there's no shame in fear, either.
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