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Thanks for the birthday wishes, everybody. You were right: I DID have a happy birthday.12:08 PM Jul 27thfrom web
A producer just said our pay would be "penurious." I had to look it up. Turns out, it does not mean "a lot."12:59 PM Jul 22ndfrom web
DirecTV guy woke me up at the crack of dawn for the second consecutive Saturday. This would be less infuriating if I was a customer.10:22 AM Jul 18thfrom Twitterrific
The iPhone touchscreen works best if instead of mashing it with a thumb you tap it delicately with the very tip of your penis. #imdrunk8:36 PM Jul 17thfrom Twitterrific
I think McDonald's is having their "Fat Kids Eat Free" promotion today.4:56 PM Jul 17thfrom web