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wordlust

  1. These fried yak testicles are making me thirsty...
  2. Let’s all work together to get kids off the street and into my dungeon. The polar bears are famished.
  3. RT @Dogphorisms We should build a big fence to keep out cats. They’re taking our jobs!
  4. The Dolly Parton of man boobs: http://bit.ly/716Iy0
  5. journalist-ic-y-ish: http://bit.ly/6Sk5Bu @AndyCobb
  6. The most annoying part of being crucified was probably idiots in the crowd waving those giant foam fingers. That and the wave.
  7. I hate when I mix up my squeegee and snorkel, or my sister and girlfriend...
  8. When you fire spitballs at the abyss, the abyss spits fireballs at your cornhole. That’s just how the abyss was raised.
  9. RT @Dogphorisms My owner taught me to pick up *his* poo in a bag. I wonder why he got arrested...
  10. The Joan Collins of interplanetary conflict: http://bit.ly/4EP7EK
  11. nu-diddly-ude: http://bit.ly/625Nri @kidko92
  12. Remember, when you point the finger at someone, three other fingers are tickling your balls.
  13. Rejected healthcare slogans: Burn in health! Health for leather. You go to health and you die!
  14. Holiday history: Traditionally, Black Friday is the day Mrs. Claus snorkels an elf.
  15. RT @Dogphorisms Goddamn right we’re smart as two-year-olds. Some of these kids are still pissing in the house. Were they raised by wolves?
  16. name-pun-mageddon: http://bit.ly/4wNswO @ANewBandADay
  17. I’m thankful for the little things, like the shrunken heads of my enemies. Those guys are all right!
  18. RT @Dogphorisms I’m the Wilt Chamberlain of dogs. My sexual exploits are legendary, and I ate 100 goose turds in one afternoon.
  19. The Dirk Diggler of shaving tools: http://bit.ly/8g3sZv
  20. If a baby is baptized in pancake batter, God will be pleased. Child services, not so much. http://bit.ly/2lx323