whistlingfish
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Garfield would love Texas. It's a great place to nap.
1:27 PM Nov 2nd
from TwitterBerry
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We've walked 436,257 miles in the past three days. I now have hip dysplasia and my pants won't stay up. Showing under pants is embarrassing.
11:17 AM Nov 1st
from TwitterBerry
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I have just wet my pants sitting in a room with a painting by Cezanne. Wow!
10:40 AM Nov 1st
from TwitterBerry
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I'm about to see Michelangelo's first painting. The one featured in the NYTimes. I'll bet you wish you were me.
10:04 AM Nov 1st
from TwitterBerry
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I saw King Kong in downtown Ft. Worth. No, seriously. He was eating a P51 at the Dairy Queen.
10:02 AM Nov 1st
from TwitterBerry
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Just out of the bathroom, where I farted "The Star Spangled Banner." The high notes were a strain, but the rest was easy as beans.
6:43 AM Oct 4th
from web
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Today's Zen Moment
Whitey: It was hot inside that tiger suit.
Beaver: I would be hotter inside a real tiger.
9:32 AM Oct 2nd
from web
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Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friends. -- The Beatles (a perfect evening lesson for one and all)
8:51 PM Sep 30th
from web
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I wonder whether there's a market for scented candles made of human ear wax. How about if the wax comes from George Clooney?
8:21 PM Sep 28th
from web
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This just in: Zombies stormed the right-wing evangelical Republican caucus last night and starved to death.
2:04 PM Sep 27th
from web
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@ is efficient packer. She never leaves a trace behind - yet always manages to take another little piece of my heart away with her.
12:57 PM Sep 24th
from web
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Every time someone tells me they've "twittered," I have the weird sense that they've wet their pants a little.
12:52 PM Sep 24th
from web
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Don't let Tom Petty fool you. The waiting isn't the hardest part. Saying goodbye is.
9:23 AM Sep 24th
from web
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With her hair up in curlers, she is the perfect realization of the cross between a very polite Goofy Gopher and a curvy Jessica Rabbit.
9:09 AM Sep 24th
from web
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My Republican companion just rolled her eyes at me and muttered under her breath, "Boys!"
8:52 AM Sep 24th
from web
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Given a choice between the end of the world in 2012 and a Sarah Palin presidency, I choose the former. Make that any nutball Republican.
8:51 AM Sep 24th
from web
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Months on the Mayan calendar are called "uinals." I swear I read through an article about 2012 without realizing it wasn't "urinals."
8:46 AM Sep 24th
from web
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RT @ "If you squeeze me that hard again, I'll fart," she said. (I did. She wasn't lying.)
5:03 AM Sep 23rd
from web
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The guy I laughed at last week for building a boat and gathering a zoo? Now that the back yard's underwater the joke's on me.
6:55 AM Sep 21st
from web
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Has anyone else seen the new breed of Siberian Milk Cat? They say its output makes great ice cream.
3:03 PM Sep 18th
from web
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- Name Harry Haller
- Location Eastern Tennessee
- Web http://trapesemus...
- Bio I have a cat named Rocky and we frequent a werewolf bar.
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