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weselec

  1. I truly am a fan, and don't wish the man ill at all, but this joke I'm sitting on for when Wayne Knight dies is almost worth ordering a hit. about 17 hours ago from Tweetie
  2. Still applying makeup during the AM commute to save time? Tomorrow, as a safer alternative, consider taking your morning dump there instead. 7:54 AM Nov 23rd from Tweetie
  3. @_loveclaire I apologize, I had assumed that like most, you would be in more of the Porsche price range. Ferraris can fix anything. 10:22 PM Nov 22nd from web in reply to _loveclaire
  4. @_loveclaire ah yes, that awkward period between birth and death. oh, to be young and/or old again. 6:52 PM Nov 22nd from Tweetie in reply to _loveclaire
  5. Did you know jaywalking is a felony in six Southwest counties? Well it isn't. Now get me my whisky and stop being so GOD DAMNED SUGGESTIBLE. 5:56 PM Nov 22nd from Tweetie
  6. Seems to me the fist-sized pile of human hair on the living room floor suggests we did something bad and then we died and now we're in hell. 8:27 AM Nov 22nd from Tweetie
  7. My voice inspires children to run into whatever room I'm in and yell something into the face of whoever I'm talking to. Must monetize this. 1:37 PM Nov 21st from Tweetie
  8. Alright, you win. I have a hundred problems. 8:28 AM Nov 21st from Tweetie
  9. Smooth move, WITTGENSTEIN. 7:53 PM Nov 20th from Tweetie
  10. Now I'm not the world's most passionate guy, but I'll dance when those women learn to take back their lives from the Oprah. O-O-O-O-Oprah. 6:31 AM Nov 20th from Tweetie
  11. I wish I was from Kentucky so I could hear the way I say "my anus". 4:48 PM Nov 19th from web
  12. My child has learned to shout, "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" at the young age of 3, so I'm going ahead and proclaiming this TV thing a win. 7:33 AM Nov 19th from Tweetie
  13. I AM @MEETINGGUY. 1:16 PM Nov 18th from web
  14. I accidentally said to someone, "Lemon tea is for pedophiles," but looking back, I'm not totally certain that I really meant something else. 11:25 AM Nov 18th from web
  15. There is a woman on this bus who smells like cookies. She must be taken to Mordor and destroyed. 8:31 AM Nov 18th from Tweetie
  16. When did the DMV start serving airline food? 8:08 AM Nov 17th from Tweetie
  17. This is a truly dark day in the game show universe. Hug your children, my friends, and tell them the story of a classic we took for granted. 3:40 PM Nov 16th from web
  18. Woah-ohwoah-oh ooooohhhhhhhh woah-oh-oh-oh oh-woah-oh, sauce on my brand new pants. 10:57 PM Nov 15th from Tweetie
  19. I'll let my dog chew a hole in your pants, you and me could write a bad romaaaance (woah-oh woah-oh) 10:27 PM Nov 15th from Tweetie
  20. I don't like anything like I like my women. 5:25 PM Nov 15th from Tweetie