weselec
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I truly am a fan, and don't wish the man ill at all, but this joke I'm sitting on for when Wayne Knight dies is almost worth ordering a hit.
about 17 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Still applying makeup during the AM commute to save time? Tomorrow, as a safer alternative, consider taking your morning dump there instead.
7:54 AM Nov 23rd
from Tweetie
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@ I apologize, I had assumed that like most, you would be in more of the Porsche price range. Ferraris can fix anything.
10:22 PM Nov 22nd
from web
in reply to _loveclaire
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@ ah yes, that awkward period between birth and death. oh, to be young and/or old again.
6:52 PM Nov 22nd
from Tweetie
in reply to _loveclaire
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Did you know jaywalking is a felony in six Southwest counties? Well it isn't. Now get me my whisky and stop being so GOD DAMNED SUGGESTIBLE.
5:56 PM Nov 22nd
from Tweetie
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Seems to me the fist-sized pile of human hair on the living room floor suggests we did something bad and then we died and now we're in hell.
8:27 AM Nov 22nd
from Tweetie
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My voice inspires children to run into whatever room I'm in and yell something into the face of whoever I'm talking to. Must monetize this.
1:37 PM Nov 21st
from Tweetie
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Alright, you win. I have a hundred problems.
8:28 AM Nov 21st
from Tweetie
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Smooth move, WITTGENSTEIN.
7:53 PM Nov 20th
from Tweetie
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Now I'm not the world's most passionate guy, but I'll dance when those women learn to take back their lives from the Oprah. O-O-O-O-Oprah.
6:31 AM Nov 20th
from Tweetie
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I wish I was from Kentucky so I could hear the way I say "my anus".
4:48 PM Nov 19th
from web
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My child has learned to shout, "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" at the young age of 3, so I'm going ahead and proclaiming this TV thing a win.
7:33 AM Nov 19th
from Tweetie
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I AM @.
1:16 PM Nov 18th
from web
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I accidentally said to someone, "Lemon tea is for pedophiles," but looking back, I'm not totally certain that I really meant something else.
11:25 AM Nov 18th
from web
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There is a woman on this bus who smells like cookies. She must be taken to Mordor and destroyed.
8:31 AM Nov 18th
from Tweetie
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When did the DMV start serving airline food?
8:08 AM Nov 17th
from Tweetie
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This is a truly dark day in the game show universe. Hug your children, my friends, and tell them the story of a classic we took for granted.
3:40 PM Nov 16th
from web
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Woah-ohwoah-oh ooooohhhhhhhh woah-oh-oh-oh oh-woah-oh, sauce on my brand new pants.
10:57 PM Nov 15th
from Tweetie
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I'll let my dog chew a hole in your pants, you and me could write a bad romaaaance (woah-oh woah-oh)
10:27 PM Nov 15th
from Tweetie
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I don't like anything like I like my women.
5:25 PM Nov 15th
from Tweetie
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- Name shane
- Location San Mateo, California
- Bio That's how much fuck fish.
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