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  1. Unconfirmed reports that Madonna's british accent was found with Christopher Walken in Cancun getting tattoos they'd regret later
  2. Abdul steps down from her "American Idol" judging seat and then stymies world by _not_ entering rehab.
  3. Exercise and dieting lead to death.
  4. Microsoft is in talks to buy Facebook and "rebrand" the social media giant to "YaBingFace"
  5. A source says Yankees interested in singing Michael Vick, "if he can throw a football, imagine how he can throw a baseball"
  6. Huey Lewis and the News are rumored to be planning a cover album of fellow 80's star Michael Jackson tunes (all sung thru helium)
  7. Reports are circulating that (fill in name of celebrity you had forgotten you once liked ages ago) has died.
  8. Reports surface from mystics that Michael Jackson reincarnated several hours ago as Farrah Fawcett
  9. Evidence is being uncovered that shows Sean Penn's time away from Hollywood for "personal matters" involves surgery to add a tail
  10. During today's much anticipated WWDC Keynote, Apple will introduce a new, improved Robo-Steve with kung-fu grip.
  11. French officials claim that "Anyone looking for hope (in life) can expect the same doom of Air France flight 447; there is no hope."
  12. Fashion experts speculate that the next male hair trend will be the reverse-faux-hawk. First celeb to model? Elijah Woods.
  13. Jesus has spoken, and he wants all you to stop taking stupid pictures: http://is.gd/Oec7
  14. Bacon - the miracle drug! Scientists have discovered that more bacon in your diet will actually cure cancer: http://is.gd/O8V1
  15. Rumors abound that Patrick Swayze has yet again died, this time by eating Jack in the Box Mac 'N' Cheese Nuggets