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uncouthheathen

  1. Now, where did I put my musketoon? 3:53 PM Dec 11th from web
  2. Just saw a guy wearing the WORST wig. Like Sophia in Golden Girls but blonde and way more fake. 2:24 PM Dec 8th from txt
  3. "My left hand is dynamite!" - Jerry Lee Lewis 12:28 PM Dec 4th from web
  4. My standards are definitely slipping. I just laughed out loud at a fart joke. 10:25 AM Dec 3rd from web
  5. Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that some people will never understand your humor. Because they're retarded. 7:00 PM Nov 30th from web
  6. I'm gonna go eat the shit out of some turkey and pie. Good day to you. 2:15 PM Nov 26th from web
  7. Win a new Canon 5DMKII (or $2500 Gift Cert) from @OPGear & Scott Bourne. Pls RT. Details here: http://bit.ly/BqU8N 3:59 PM Nov 23rd from web
  8. RT @martinimom: This is amazing. Check out these hyperrealistic sculptures: http://tinyurl.com/yha8ded 12:13 PM Nov 20th from web
  9. When I politely declined, she asked for my drink, grabbed her throat and started yelling, "I CAN'T SWALLOW!" 3:34 PM Nov 19th from web
  10. Homeless lady just asked me for $5.00 to buy sanitary pads. I said I had no cash and she said, "Well go to the cash machine and get some!" 3:14 PM Nov 19th from web
  11. How To Barbecue A Turkey–The Super Easy Way For Morons: http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/how-to-barbecue-a-turkey-the-super-easy-way HAHAHA! 1:42 PM Nov 19th from web
  12. I'm looking forward to another year of not being one of those people who get trampled to death at WalMart the day after Thanksgiving. 1:42 PM Nov 18th from web
  13. I have just had the nerdiest fight about centaurs. I do not feel proud. 10:33 PM Nov 11th from web
  14. Come on, Pandora Radio, you can do so much better than this. 2:52 PM Nov 11th from web
  15. very. bad. dog. 1:21 PM Nov 7th from web
  16. Trying to convince Janie to name our baby Spartacus. The baby we will have someday, when we buy it at Target. 11:04 PM Nov 6th from web
  17. yes. @leahofdp 10:42 AM Nov 6th from web
  18. oooh, I have a mouth guard for that, too. We're practically twins with mouth hardware and the whole lesbian thing. @leahofdp 9:33 AM Nov 6th from web
  19. be careful back there. those things can burst into flames for no reason and your wife could leave you for dead. @leahofdp 12:15 PM Nov 5th from web
  20. I agree, that's exactly right. @jonesieuk 12:28 PM Nov 4th from web