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tynosaur

  1. "I love you a lot." "I just love standing up."
  2. "I'm not blind, I just couldn't see it."
  3. Just watched "Paranormal Activity." I honestly have no idea why that movie was so popular. Impressive for a being homemade, but still.
  4. What is a "pusscake?" Is it a cake made of cats or vaginas? And which would I rather eat?
  5. At work: A woman with more facial hair than me just bought a Betty Boop license plate cover that said "2 CUTE 4 U." I hope it was a gift.
  6. My cat snores. Loudly. Just sayin'.
  7. 3-hour "night naps" in the fetal position with a cat aren't exactly restful.
  8. It has been decided that "oedipal" and "edible," despite sounding phonetically similar, should never be used to describe similar situations.
  9. I like how M&Ms make my McFlurry rainbow colored. And no, I'm not gay.
  10. A few nights ago, I took a piss in a mall parking lot in the snow, and a guy about 30 yards away called me crazy for doing so. What?
  11. A truck dropped a bunch of soiled hospital linens outside my work earlier. A cop sat by it, guarding it for 2 hours. What a shitty job.
  12. And so starts my 15-hour double-shift from hell.
  13. "Use your head for something BESIDES giving it."
  14. My first Michigan snow on my first Thanksgiving alone, and my power goes out five minutes before I go to bed. Curse you, turkey lord.
  15. At work: A man in a leather jacket just walked into the store holding a crowbar, paint roller, and a baggie with cubed cheeses in it. What?
  16. Is there such thing as a non-ironic Pabst drinker? I think not.
  17. 30 Rock: Liz Lemon's father, Dick, takes everyone out to lunch, saying "It wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick!" Intentional?
  18. "He's never been dead before."
  19. Butter particles are now "butticles."
  20. "Adam put me into a sleeper hold and told me to wake up."