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twitter_twatter

  1. Watching Lost is like the ultimate edging.
  2. Went hiking and got my first ever camel toe! Geraldo said it looked hot. We cut the hike short and headed home.
  3. Who says scar tissue is bad? Osvaldo said my slightly deformed growler is as tight as a mosquito's.
  4. Yann Tiersen can strum my banjo anyday. Such fast hands...
  5. Strange night. Stranger morning. Woke up with Manuel, Hernan and Miguel all wearing surgical masks. Explains my nightmare of giving birth.
  6. Rod Stewart - Mole Sex Change = Bonnie Tyler
  7. Momma's not going to have a dry dock when these boats come in... http://www.rosefestival.org...
  8. Some people were offended by that last tweet. For God's sake, get over yourself. The HE I referred to was my dog Benjy.
  9. I guess the weirdest part about brushing up against him is that he doesn't know I have a vagina.
  10. Took the bandages off. You know how your finger is all clammy and wrinkly when you remove a band-aid...
  11. Oh my god, my vagina smells awful today. Its been 3 months now, so I wonder if I can change the bandages?
  12. Best co-worker comment so far today: "A huge sperm bath orgy sounds par for a planet called Chaos."
  13. Miguel is a master of this vibrator. He sent me a text of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". Was squirming like I'd been electrocuted.
  14. Just found some hacked firmware for my bluetooth vibrator that allows it to operate outside of US safety limits. (http://rubyurl.com/OppY)
  15. Vagina has settled down nicely. Without the swelling, it no longer resembles a Cornish pastie.
  16. Overheard Paco telling a friend something about me and the Cleveland Steamers. Must have surprise tickets to a ball game!
  17. Not sure why I decided to keep my balls in a jar. Nostalgia? Paco said they look like a strange, fleshy snow globe.
  18. Had *that* dream again last night where I try out the candidates. I could take McCain and Obama, but the sight of Hilary strapping on...
  19. Back home and trying not to pick at the scabs on my new, itchy growler.
  20. Looking at my uncovered vagina. Swollen shut, it looks like a broken volcano, with rivulets of dried up magma. More painkillers please!