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truthordara

  1. Me: I got a car! How've you been? T: Congrats. I lost my job.2:52 PM Jul 7th from txt
  2. It's disturbing how many pictures of Robert Pattinson the former owner of my phone took...12:58 PM Jul 1st from txt
  3. i meant fat. a fat suit.9:26 PM Jun 28th from mobile web
  4. wishing I'd brought a day suit to this dance contest.9:24 PM Jun 28th from mobile web
  5. How is it that I managed to get stuck in a flash flood AND a sunburn in the same 6 hours?3:23 PM Jun 12th from txt
  6. Car got flooded. I would cry myself a river but there already is one.11:18 AM Jun 11th from txt
  7. Oh dear, the painfully rehearsed nature of MTV's Next is making me undo the two bowls of Special K I just ate.1:23 AM Apr 5th from txt
  8. The longest conversation my best friend and I had today was about buying tons of cereal.10:54 AM Apr 1st from txt
  9. I just saw a trailer for Hannah Montana: The Movie... P.s. I just threw up.12:41 AM Mar 18th from txt
  10. Why would a sports bar need its own customized school bus?2:41 PM Mar 16th from txt
  11. My roommate just banned me from twittering about dog shit. Boo.9:36 PM Mar 14th from txt
  12. Me: "It's grown a lot; my hair used to be real short." Guy: "Oh, so you are bi!"11:00 AM Mar 1st from txt
  13. Thinking Rihanna's hit single shoulda been 'Shut Up and Beat Me'.5:26 PM Feb 8th from txt
  14. Where does the vice president live? The White House garage apartment?10:23 AM Jan 20th from txt
  15. Saw a billboard for a funeral home with "down to earth prices." That was on purpose, right?10:56 PM Jan 15th from txt
  16. My mouth STILL tastes like the gardening department of Home Depot.8:01 PM Jan 13th from txt
  17. Celie: "This commercial's so looong - I've been having a conversation with it!"11:42 AM Jan 8th from txt
  18. Sorry, but there is no such thing as a 19 year old man.11:40 AM Jan 8th from txt
  19. Spent the first moments of the new year picking myself up off the Christmas tree. Happy new year, eberyvody!11:12 AM Jan 1st from web
  20. My dad, really making my week spent in Cancun laying out seem futile: "So where's the tan?"8:12 PM Dec 29th, 2008 from txt