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truthordara

  1. Me: I got a car! How've you been? T: Congrats. I lost my job.
  2. It's disturbing how many pictures of Robert Pattinson the former owner of my phone took...
  3. i meant fat. a fat suit.
  4. wishing I'd brought a day suit to this dance contest.
  5. How is it that I managed to get stuck in a flash flood AND a sunburn in the same 6 hours?
  6. Car got flooded. I would cry myself a river but there already is one.
  7. Oh dear, the painfully rehearsed nature of MTV's Next is making me undo the two bowls of Special K I just ate.
  8. The longest conversation my best friend and I had today was about buying tons of cereal.
  9. I just saw a trailer for Hannah Montana: The Movie... P.s. I just threw up.
  10. Why would a sports bar need its own customized school bus?
  11. My roommate just banned me from twittering about dog shit. Boo.
  12. Me: "It's grown a lot; my hair used to be real short." Guy: "Oh, so you are bi!"
  13. Thinking Rihanna's hit single shoulda been 'Shut Up and Beat Me'.
  14. Where does the vice president live? The White House garage apartment?
  15. Saw a billboard for a funeral home with "down to earth prices." That was on purpose, right?
  16. My mouth STILL tastes like the gardening department of Home Depot.
  17. Celie: "This commercial's so looong - I've been having a conversation with it!"
  18. Sorry, but there is no such thing as a 19 year old man.
  19. Spent the first moments of the new year picking myself up off the Christmas tree. Happy new year, eberyvody!
  20. My dad, really making my week spent in Cancun laying out seem futile: "So where's the tan?"