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trapphic

  1. The Singularity came and went. The emergent software gods annihilated each other in a twelve-picosecond Holy War. Only three humans noticed.
  2. He stared at my feet. Forget my intended message – my shoes told him ‘assay me’. Trust me – never wear ruby slippers on a date with a dwarf.
  3. “While the K’jax’th were away, we demolished their home planet and put in a new Dyson sphere. Let’s see what they think when they get back!”
  4. From his castle the King’s Sheriff bled the people dry, fearing an outlaw who would shoot a shaft of the living greenwood through his heart.
  5. As a reverse-shapeshifter, Stephen could make any living creature resemble him. Now, as a rock star, he could charge them for the privilege.
  6. ‘Growing that high-yield radiation-tolerant soya, Zeb Archer?’ ‘Aye. New government in Borchester pays a good subsidy, since what happened.’
  7. The CEO of Andros Industries built the company up from nothing. Technology, machinery, employees: he created them all. He’s a self-made man.
  8. ‘No, there’s no evidence for gestation. God creates babies from nothing when they’re born. He sends us ultrasound images to test our faith.’
  9. The empire annexed territories around its borders. Annoyingly, the inner ones kept seceding. Eventually it became a small antipodean nation.
  10. After careful analysis of human communications, Q’tx phrased hir initial contact in terms of weight loss and penis size. Oprah didn’t reply.
  11. ‘Common though it once was, since the 2019 pheromone warhead assault on Los Angeles the phrase “Hollywood sex bomb” has fallen into disuse.’
  12. 'Hey – I can teleport!' 'But at short range, with a delay, not through objects and it tires you out?' 'Well, at least I don't have to walk.'
  13. The creation myths have it all backward: in the divine realm, disorder is a priceless commodity. Our universe exists to manufacture entropy.
  14. ‘We are Humans. We bring greetings from the planet Huma. On Huma we do not understand this emotion the people of Alias call “hrxptlkakagg”.’
  15. #notfiction Sadly, the Blind Atlas blog for Calvinoesque Invisible Cities no longer exists, or I'd use Stabila as an excuse to link there.
  16. In Stabilan law, irrevocably changing a person equates to killing them. Children are sentenced to education for the murder of their parents.
  17. The queen of the fairies is a daughter of ancient gods, an elemental spirit of diamond-white metal. She resents ships being named after her.
  18. ‘The coffee beans are Faer Trade. I thought that was a typo, but some fell in the garden and... well, just don’t climb that tree out there.’
  19. A drunken attendee in the bar leers at a flapping harpy. ‘Oi!’ her companion yells. ‘You got the horn for my bird?’ The satyr headbutts him.
  20. ‘I can hear a siren.’ ‘Fire drill?’ ‘No, they’re rehearsing for this evening. You’ve got human ears – better ask for earplugs at Reception.’