topherchris
I saw *the* girl of my dreams during my lunch hour. Best part: If I keep paying for Bangbus.com, I'll get to see her as often as I want.
| I never post anything useful on Twitter, so here: If you burn microwave popcorn at the office again, I'm going to slit your fucking throat. |
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| Just finished http://nonexciting.com/ |
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| ZOMG Twitteriffic on my iPhone. |
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| You know you're a true dog person when you'd love to own any of the serious contestants in the World's Ugliest Dog competition. |
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| @jkottke *c*u*n*t* |
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| @unclesean Funny, he told me he needed rolling paper. Lack of paper is definitely an issue overall here. It's cosmic. |
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| @unclesean Right? I thought someecards.com would have something. |
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| I just realized I never properly thanked the dude who offered me weed this morning on the way to the minimart. Do they make ecards for that? |
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| Episode 13 of my podcast is by far the most recent ever. http://internetenthusiastda... |
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| @saima I feel you, sis. And boy am I slow. |
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| My downtime is officially greater than Twitter's. Wait, are jokes like that passe now? |
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| Setting up a cron job to tweet "got up, went to work, went home" every day for the next 50 years. |
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| I'm not doing anything, but my medulla oblongata is regulating my breathing and blood pressure and is damn happy about it. |
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| I love when somebody else's mom emails my Gmail thinking I'm their son. "Listen ma, I need to tell you... I'm gay and in love with dad." |
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| @bush I'm seriously considering ordering an air-strike against Twitter HQ. |
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| @bush Laura is totally busting my balls about something right now. Tuning her out. |
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| Know why Oracle is the powerhouse of all databases? The error messages. I just got "DEFINE NOT DONE BEFORE FETCH YOU FUCKING RETARD." |
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| Lizards are the coolest. They're like little dinosaurs and they're so awesome. Also, I can't talk about them without sounding like I'm 12. |
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| Will no one have sex with Bill Clinton? He's clearly jonesing, all that pent up-stress, and it's bad for the Democratic Party. Ladies? |
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