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topherchris

I saw *the* girl of my dreams during my lunch hour. Best part: If I keep paying for Bangbus.com, I'll get to see her as often as I want.

I never post anything useful on Twitter, so here: If you burn microwave popcorn at the office again, I'm going to slit your fucking throat.
Just finished http://nonexciting.com/
ZOMG Twitteriffic on my iPhone.
You know you're a true dog person when you'd love to own any of the serious contestants in the World's Ugliest Dog competition.
@jkottke *c*u*n*t*
@unclesean Funny, he told me he needed rolling paper. Lack of paper is definitely an issue overall here. It's cosmic.
@unclesean Right? I thought someecards.com would have something.
I just realized I never properly thanked the dude who offered me weed this morning on the way to the minimart. Do they make ecards for that?
Episode 13 of my podcast is by far the most recent ever. http://internetenthusiastda...
@saima I feel you, sis. And boy am I slow.
My downtime is officially greater than Twitter's. Wait, are jokes like that passe now?
Setting up a cron job to tweet "got up, went to work, went home" every day for the next 50 years.
I'm not doing anything, but my medulla oblongata is regulating my breathing and blood pressure and is damn happy about it.
I love when somebody else's mom emails my Gmail thinking I'm their son. "Listen ma, I need to tell you... I'm gay and in love with dad."
@bush I'm seriously considering ordering an air-strike against Twitter HQ.
@bush Laura is totally busting my balls about something right now. Tuning her out.
Know why Oracle is the powerhouse of all databases? The error messages. I just got "DEFINE NOT DONE BEFORE FETCH YOU FUCKING RETARD."
Lizards are the coolest. They're like little dinosaurs and they're so awesome. Also, I can't talk about them without sounding like I'm 12.
Will no one have sex with Bill Clinton? He's clearly jonesing, all that pent up-stress, and it's bad for the Democratic Party. Ladies?