tomwaits
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I'm not a percussionist, I just like to hit things.
25 minutes ago
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Don't you know there ain't no devil, that's just God when he's drunk.
12:44 PM Nov 25th
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If you get far enough away you'll be on your way back home.
3:55 PM Nov 24th
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The animal with the largest penis (in proportion to its body) is the barnacle.
2:53 PM Nov 23rd
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I didn't just marry a beautiful woman, I married a record collection.
2:39 PM Nov 19th
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The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.
4:03 PM Nov 18th
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It was a choice between entertainment or a career in air-conditioning and refrigeration.
2:20 PM Nov 17th
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In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a man to beat his wife unless he's on the courthouse steps.
2:24 PM Nov 16th
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On my gravestone I want it to say 'I told you I was sick.’
11:19 AM Nov 13th
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Champagne for your real friends, real pain for your sham friends.
4:25 PM Nov 12th
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Writing songs is like capturing birds w/o killing them. Sometimes you end up with nothing but a mouthful of feathers
12:26 PM Nov 11th
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It’s like a big ship and the water’s on fire (on New York City).
2:21 PM Nov 10th
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A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.
11:10 AM Nov 9th
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I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
11:41 AM Nov 6th
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You know, I don’t like straight lines. The problem is that most instruments are square and music is always round.
10:45 AM Nov 5th
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Kathleen and I came up with this idea of doing music that's surrural-- it's surreal and it's rural, it's surrural.
2:06 PM Nov 4th
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