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tj

  1. I can't seem to avoid sodomy jokes around here tonight. It's reamdickuluz.
  2. @califmom that's what she said. <insert rimshot here>
  3. "T-boned on the Passenger Side" would be a terrible name for a porn movie.
  4. Please understand I'm not saying I am comfortable with Mountain Man Anal Rape. There's a clarification I never thought I'd need to make.
  5. Chest waxing scene in 40 Year-Old Virgin scene made me more uncomfortable than Deliverance.
  6. @abigvictory stuck in the middle is you ;-)
  7. Someone please make sure that they burn the hat Roddick was wearing. That's nasty.
  8. "Don't bring me down..... DEUCE!" What? It's my Wimbledon rally song. Oh, YOU shut up.
  9. HI EVERYONE, HOW WAS YOUR 4TH?! HOPE YOU DIDN'T HAVE TOO MUCH TO DRINK. WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING FOR THAT HEADACHE? WHAT? I *AM* WHISPERING!
  10. @smuttysteff there is a "Live Bait" vending machine at one of the gas stations in my town. Yes, really.
  11. @bliccy yes, but what color would it turn my tongue?
  12. Me: "How white do I sound if I say I like Jim Gaffigan more than Chris Rock?" The WIfe: "I went to bed 2 hours ago, you're making this up."
  13. I can tell if a comic is funny faster than Rain Man counts toothpicks. Plus I won't sit on the edge of the bed while you have sex. Usually.
  14. Dear Comedy Central: Why show Chris Rock if you're going to censor him? It sounds like you're testing the fucking Emergency Broadcast System
  15. Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled stomach yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming pants. — Ode To Cookouts
  16. @jsttmfb "What's in a slippery dick?" How long have you been married? Shouldn't you have figured that one out by now?
  17. Red wine with beef. White wine with chicken. Orange soda with Doritos.
  18. Dear Jesus: thank you for our freedom and Doritos. Mostly Doritos. And our freedom to eat them.
  19. My favorite part of the anti-drunk driving PSA (cars swaying, filled with beer) is how it reminds us that only (single) men drink and drive.
  20. The Wife & Boy have gone to see Transformers 2 again. However ID4 fulfilled my schlock quota, so I stayed home. Independently.