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TheSurrealJTIII

  1. My boobs hurt.11:18 AM Aug 7th from web
  2. Harry Potter was good. Hairy Pooper was even better.9:20 AM Jul 31st from web
  3. President Obama invited me to the Beer Summit. I had to decline. I'm a wine cooler man through and through. Plus, it was all grown up talk.9:19 AM Jul 31st from web
  4. Oh, mercy! That was a long nap. Can't wait to see Michael Jackson next week when I head to London! He's my favorites!1:48 PM Jul 29th from web
  5. @TheSurrealJB Boobies are God's easy-to-carry milk jugs!11:16 AM May 1st from web in reply to TheSurrealJB
  6. I remember my first hospital visit. I didn't want the surgery, but Dad insisted: If I were to take his name, I would need to have a penis.11:15 AM May 1st from web
  7. Follow Friday: @mileycyrus; @Oprah; @Jonasbrothers. Heroes, one and all!10:59 AM Apr 24th from web
  8. I totally cried when Paula cried last night. I had to; the rope around my neck as I masturbated to her was just too much.11:39 AM Apr 22nd from web
  9. I just found out DaJuan Summers declared for the draft. I think he'll look adorable in his Army fatigues. Make sure you wear sunscreen!2:20 PM Apr 21st from web
  10. I went to a Final Four once. It's still the greatest Scrabble tournament I ever attended.5:21 PM Apr 4th from web
  11. But since U been gone I can breathe for the first time I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah Thanks to you, now I get what I want Since you been gone5:11 AM Apr 1st from web
  12. Uh! Unnh! AAAAAAHHHHHH! Whew! I just gave birth to a four-pound submarine sandwich. Chicken salad, I believe. It smells delicious.11:31 AM Mar 29th from web
  13. Aaah! AAAAAAaaaaahhhhh!!!!9:29 AM Mar 29th from web
  14. Uuuuunnnnnnnnnngggggghhhhh!8:34 AM Mar 29th from web
  15. Eeeaaaaaauuuuuuuunnnnnnnngghhhhhhh!7:39 AM Mar 29th from web
  16. I've decided that I'm going to lose weight. Step One: Cut the carbohydrates. Step Two: Cut Julian Vaughn5:13 PM Mar 28th from web
  17. I ate a bag of chocolate chips today. They tasted like disappointment. I'm so lonely.4:49 PM Mar 28th from web