theduty
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whats wrong with me. I just scaled a tree to get a view of my elderly neighbor man take a sudsy bath.
...god, I'm turning into my father.
about 5 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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nothing spices up a drowning suicide like a professional quality Aqua Man costume.
HA!
...just sad I won't see the look on their faces.
about 11 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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complained i never get any praise, so she told me i could have the "not the worst in bed" award.
...sucks she made me share it with my dad.
4:00 PM Nov 11th
from Birdhouse
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so he asked me where babies come from & I told him the stork brought them...then he asked where storks come from & I can't babysit anymore.
8:39 AM Nov 11th
from Birdhouse
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fine. I'll admit it. i DO fantasize when we're having sex, but it's always you.
just REALLLY fat.
...and in clown make-up.
STOP CRYING!
8:37 AM Nov 10th
from Birdhouse
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this Amish wedding reception may be the 1st of my life that won't feature The Electric Slide.
oh no, not that!
they just think it blows.
4:00 PM Nov 9th
from Birdhouse
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well, who am i to argue, you're the dentist.
...guess I just didn't realize you guys also did full body cavity searches.
please, carry on.
11:02 AM Nov 9th
from Birdhouse
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I'm the best at playing "the airplane game" with babies because if you do it just right it suddenly turns into "the ambulance game."
WoOo!
4:21 PM Nov 7th
from Birdhouse
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I've felt amazing all day, but people keep telling me I look terrible.
realizing now they are just getting away with calling me a vagina.
5:36 PM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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OK GUYS! BOSS IS GONE!
QUICK!
everyone hold hands around the water cooler & pray as hard as you can for Jesus to get this party STARTEDDD!
12:46 PM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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sure, call him crazy if you want, but this hobo outside of the OBGYNs pointing at stomachs & yelling "yo mama so fat" jokes is KILLING IT!!
7:43 AM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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I took the job as Confidence Coach at the neighborhood Stutterer's Anonymous.
you should see these guys light up doing Poker Face karaoke.
4:24 PM Nov 4th
from Birdhouse
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"stick it in before they come" is a hilarious "that's what she said" until it's the last words of an assisted suicide.
...miss you momma.
10:43 AM Nov 4th
from Birdhouse
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pardon me, my good man.
would you mind steering me towards your "Amish Only" section.
...I've got a bit of butter that needs a churnin'.
4:40 PM Nov 3rd
from Birdhouse
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frankly, fellas, I don't get it.
YOU agree to come & paint in my kitchen, YOU'RE 3 hour late, & now YOU'RE angry that I'm already nude?!?!
12:10 PM Nov 3rd
from Birdhouse
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eyeballing the yard festooned with the leaves brought on by Fall's arrival, i chuckle to myself at the crunchy failed ninja's attacks ahead.
1:53 PM Nov 2nd
from Birdhouse
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I understand it is a sizable loan, sir, but I'm certain you see the huge profit potential of the "Wetdreamcatcher®."
wait...COME BACK!
5:37 PM Nov 1st
from Birdhouse
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yeah, i had fun, I mean everyone loved my drunk driver costume except this one asshole dressed as a cop.
sooo mom, can you bail me out?
4:01 PM Oct 31st
from Birdhouse
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unbeknownst to me, the 5 second rule apparently DOES apply to dropped babies.
great. now what am I gonna do with this useless thing?
4:24 PM Oct 30th
from Birdhouse
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this McDonald's has The Doobie Brothers' Greatest Hits on repeat.
...how delightfully redundant.
9:32 AM Oct 30th
from Birdhouse
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- Name duty
- Location Oklahoma City, OK (35.594458,-
- Web http://theduty.tu...
- Bio certified bullshit technician. ...please direct all additional queries to @crackbarbie.
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