thedearleader
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What do I want for Christmas? To live in peace. As do all 1.2 million members of my well-trained army. Also a Nintendo Wii and a flatscreen.
4:16 PM Dec 6th
from Tweetie
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Yes, I have been largely absent from Twitter. What of it? Insolence! If you seek wisdom, you must show patience. Or follow @.
11:41 PM Nov 30th
from Tweetie
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Who is the best? Two guesses, and the first, if incorrect, lands you in a re-education facility. Correct: You're looking at him.
3:32 PM Oct 11th
from Tweetie
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As the NBA season dawns I'm reminded of my days at Dr. J's basketball camp, where I molded Chris Paul into the world's 2nd best point guard.
3:31 PM Oct 11th
from Tweetie
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Why do I not "tweet" more? You might as well ask why the seagulls cry. (Yes, I know the answer. No, you may not know it. It is a secret.)
2:05 PM Sep 30th
from Tweetie
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@ "Fake"? You shall pay, sir. (And in the name of Jong, when you do pay, please do so in hard currency. We're dyin' over here.)
5:21 PM Sep 3rd
from Tweetie
in reply to T2powernap
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Where have I been? Enjoying summer in Pyongyang. Lying in a hammock, sipping iced tea and idly daydreaming (of world domination).
12:15 PM Aug 13th
from Tweetie
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@ Yes, Americans. DM me. And when you are all tweeting like brain-dead howler monkeys, we shall strike. Like other, faster monkeys.
10:42 PM Aug 5th
from Brizzly
in reply to nick_ryan
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Have an aide asking Clinton if he'd like more kimchi, hoping he'll take the hint. Work's done, Bubba. You fly away home now.
2:52 PM Aug 4th
from Tweetie
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Bill Clinton's in town. Good news: He wants to go chase some tail. Bad news: he's crashing on my couch.
11:27 AM Aug 4th
from web
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@ lies. I win the Iditarod every year. My sled dogs are the sleekest and bravest, and I control them with my thoughts.
8:19 AM Jul 1st
from Birdfeed
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Note to self: Some sort of nuke-powered zeppelin or dirigible that can control the weather over the DMZ. Possible name: JONG 1, natch.
10:46 AM Jun 3rd
from Tweetie
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I am a scientific genius. The first time I set foot in a lab, Isaac Newton spontaneously reanimated so he could kill himself again in shame.
12:13 PM May 31st
from web
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The very existence of @ is disinformation. Similarly: In the West you have two people claiming to be "Dr. Dre." Don't be naive.
10:49 AM May 29th
from web
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@ would do well to look for a C&D letter winging its way toward him. Out of the sky. A great big one. If you know what I mean.
9:05 AM May 29th
from web
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While I admire the creativity of @, please know that he is a fraud. Only I am me. And I've been a little busy over here.
9:03 AM May 29th
from web
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I shed no tears for your Chrysler. The auto industry of the DPRK leads the world. The LeJong, the Kimbird and the Il-perial are classics.
10:13 PM May 4th
from web
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@ I dress my hair with a special pomade of my own devising. It contains beluga oil and the distilled tears of my enemies.
9:33 PM Apr 25th
from Tweetie
in reply to TheWestCoast
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I am the greatest surgeon alive. I invented the standard surgical closure, the "Jong," in which the sutures meld into an image of my face.
4:57 PM Apr 23rd
from Tweetie
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I invented and the hashtag. And I do not thank new followers -- I punish non-followers, in a secret way which I also invented.
1:09 PM Apr 23rd
from web
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- Name Kim Jong-il
- Location Pyongyang, DPRK
- Bio I am the General Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea. Also, I invented golf and French cooking.
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