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thedayhascome

  1. @hoosiergirl Whatever you do, do not eat the placenta. I hear it converts you into Tom Cruise.about 5 hours ago from web
  2. It feels so good to be back in my cubicle, because I missed that desperate, impending sense of doom.about 6 hours ago from Birdhouse
  3. It has been brought to my attention that the port is for feeding only. Band practice is canceled until further notice.about 22 hours ago from web
  4. Lucy's surgery was successful and she's resting. She now has a port on her stomach that you can blow into to play jug band music.about 22 hours ago from web
  5. Lucy is having surgery today to get a gastric feeding tube. I'm getting one as well, because chewing food is so overrated.8:49 AM Nov 9th from web
  6. If you harnessed my raw sexual energy, I bet you could power an entire city block of Fisher-Price Little People.6:12 PM Nov 6th from Birdhouse
  7. Planned a romantic evening at home with a nice bottle of wine. Not sure what my wife is doing though.4:57 PM Nov 6th from Birdhouse
  8. Thanks for the voicemail and for speaking faster than the Micro Machines Guy during the number portion.9:05 AM Nov 6th from Birdhouse
  9. So there I was ordering a latte at Starbucks and hating mainstream music, when it occurred to me that I might be too white.6:22 AM Nov 6th from Birdhouse
  10. I have a wild night planned to remove fuzz balls from my sweater vests and not get laid.4:48 PM Nov 5th from Birdhouse
  11. I'm the man of the house and I'll raise my hand to speak when my wife says I can.4:23 PM Nov 4th from Birdhouse
  12. I've been standing in line for three hours for the H1N1 vaccine, which is still better than waiting for Nickelback tickets.11:02 AM Nov 4th from Birdhouse
  13. After I exfoliate, I'm going to have a latte and maybe drive a little faster than the speed limit, because I'm a man, I think.6:02 AM Nov 3rd from Birdhouse
  14. Every morning I wake up, get dressed for work and resist the urge to tie a Windsor Noose.6:16 AM Nov 2nd from Birdhouse
  15. I set the clocks back last night and also the bathroom scale.6:34 AM Nov 1st from Birdhouse
  16. I love to hand out candy to spawns of Satan I mean children.5:27 PM Oct 31st from Birdhouse
  17. Woke up this morning with some pretty bad bed hair and even worse bed face.6:00 AM Oct 31st from Birdhouse
  18. I blame this bottle of bourbon for my raging alcoholism.5:31 PM Oct 30th from Birdhouse
  19. The Prison Warden is unhappy with her new nickname, but she should have thought about that before she married me.4:15 PM Oct 30th from Birdhouse
  20. My third nipple doesn't bother most people, but the fourth one usually freaks them out.10:00 AM Oct 30th from web