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thedayhascome

  1. I'm bringing sexy back right after I take a nap. about 9 hours ago from Birdhouse
  2. I trust my mother-in-law about as far as I can throw her, which isn't very far considering her enormous girth. about 17 hours ago from Birdhouse
  3. Today, we kill the Thanksgiving turkey from a helicopter with a high-powered rifle, just as the Pilgrims once did. about 18 hours ago from Birdhouse
  4. Thanksgiving is a time for coming together with family and pushing old people down at Walmart for a good deal. 4:46 PM Nov 25th from Birdhouse
  5. It's always been a dream of mine to be a handler for Balloon Boy in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. 9:28 AM Nov 25th from Birdhouse
  6. This is the time of year when we all give thanks for stretchy pants. 6:44 AM Nov 25th from web
  7. My wife said she needed a little TLC, but I told her that band broke up like five years ago. 5:10 PM Nov 24th from Birdhouse
  8. I've had a productive day spinning really fast in my swivel chair, so I'm leaving work early. 11:12 AM Nov 24th from web
  9. Applying the George Costanza work ethic to the rest of my afternoon. 11:11 AM Nov 23rd from Birdhouse
  10. There are no more donuts in the conference room. If I remember correctly, this exactly how '2012' ends. 8:49 AM Nov 23rd from Birdhouse
  11. That's the sound of my coworker blaring Mannheim Steamroller and me sharpening the teeth of my staple remover. 6:58 AM Nov 23rd from web
  12. I'm so fat, I feel like a KFC chicken buckling under its own weight. 6:27 PM Nov 22nd from Birdhouse
  13. Apparently, I don't know how to fold a towel or please a woman. 4:57 PM Nov 22nd from Birdhouse
  14. I like my coffee how I like your mom. In the morning. 7:06 AM Nov 21st from web
  15. The women's restroom attendant always screams at me and never offers a hand towel or even a Black & Mild. 5:40 PM Nov 20th from web
  16. It's amazing how no sleep and a handful of pills I found locked inside of a hospital medication cart can make you feel. 6:26 AM Nov 18th from Birdhouse
  17. Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Lucy is doing a little better now in the intensive care unit. I'm counting my grey hairs. 6:08 PM Nov 17th from Tweetie
  18. Lucy scared us earlier. She stopped breathing and was in respiratory distress. Had an ambulance ride to the hospital. Currently in the ER. 1:10 PM Nov 17th from Tweetie
  19. To celebrate the Leonid Meteor Shower, I'm going streaking. 9:07 AM Nov 17th from web
  20. Too cold to take the baby for a walk, so I put her on the treadmill instead and boy she was really keeping up there for a while. 4:22 PM Nov 16th from Birdhouse