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TheAmazingKim

  1. RT @poeks: I have a more conservative-friendly name idea for civil marriage, but "next up children, than grandchildren, then death" IS a ... 3:32 PM Nov 22nd from web
  2. Zombie psychologists seek to eat their own brains first. 3:30 PM Nov 22nd from web
  3. This is also why it is perfectly fine to perform surgery using household pets. 3:27 PM Nov 22nd from web
  4. Ever wonder why you don't see any baby scalpels? It's because all adult scalpels are sterilized. 3:25 PM Nov 22nd from web
  5. RT @abcnews: We've put together a list of federal politicians on Twitter: http://twitter.com/abcnews/... Any others you k ... 4:49 PM Nov 18th from web
  6. Similarly, if you encounter a rabid mob of objectivists, get yourself to the ASX. It's teeming with shareholders. 4:14 PM Nov 18th from web
  7. If you ever find yourself chased by vampires, head to a financial institution. It's full of stakeholders. 4:13 PM Nov 18th from web
  8. 3 states of cars at intersections: indicate left, indicate right, & indicate you're a murderous psycho who doesn't care about pedestrians. 7:27 PM Nov 17th from txt
  9. The deadliest form of energy is the killojoule. 3:05 PM Nov 17th from web
  10. Stockbrokers trade futures because no one buys them presents. 8:47 PM Nov 16th from txt
  11. My new year's resolution: to lose some shortness. I will eat only tall foods & walk an hour a day on my hands. 5:12 PM Nov 16th from web
  12. @hungry_beast I would like a story about jellyfish taking over the ocean please. And also Margaret Thatcher. She invented ice-cream. 5:06 PM Nov 16th from web in reply to hungry_beast
  13. According to the IUCN, 70% of plants are threatened, and many have experienced stalking. 5:14 PM Nov 15th from web
  14. Tried to play poker with a bottle of fermenting yeast, but it just kept raising toasts. 5:10 PM Nov 15th from web
  15. The artists then spay-paint the females, so they cannot breed. 9:04 PM Nov 11th from web
  16. To monitor the feral wall population, local artists have instituted a tag and release program. 9:01 PM Nov 11th from web
  17. Headline of the week: "Rabbits get new penises". iPhone sales to bunnies plummet. 11:22 PM Nov 10th from web
  18. FPS Gun 3: Twitterfail. Turns all birdlife into huge whales, irreversibly scarring the terrain. Also blocks communication, damaging health. 8:05 PM Nov 10th from web
  19. @yakboy If you need tips on dairy substitutes, I too eschewed the cud earlier this year. 7:32 PM Nov 10th from web in reply to yakboy
  20. FPS Gun 2: Birthday Gun. Shoots candles that embed themselves in the victim, play a tinny rendition of "Happy Birthday", then explode. 7:00 PM Nov 10th from web