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the_onion

  1. [audio] Miracle Powder Turns Water Into Delicious Fruity Drink: Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland http://bit.ly/51wF6q
  2. Opinion: Like Hell I'm Going To Let Some Black President Help Me Pay For Dialysis (by Dan Laird): I take pride in w... http://bit.ly/821u4Z
  3. Sports: Nets Announce Team Is In Re-Demolition Mode: EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In a continuing effort to destroy their ... http://bit.ly/5TqskC
  4. Boarding School Student Receives Wet William: DEERFIELD, MA—Deerfield Academy first-year Foster R. Poole III told... http://bit.ly/6DM3OA
  5. Shakira Just Not Feeling Up To Jiggling Ass Today: News In Photos http://bit.ly/8nnk1j
  6. Oprah To End Her Talk Show: Oprah Winfrey announced last week that she would end her talk show in 2011. What do yo... http://bit.ly/08VKdQ8
  7. Department Of Needing Transportation: 'Anyone Heading To Tucson This Weekend?': PHOENIX—Addressing the nation fro... http://bit.ly/7HmEdA
  8. In Focus: Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey: NEW YORK—"Lines were long but I wante... http://bit.ly/8JQvqh
  9. Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.: http://bit.ly/aQJNC
  10. 'The Office' Ends As Documentary Crew Gets All The Footage It Needs: SCRANTON, PA—After nearly six years on the a... http://bit.ly/8b1iUn
  11. Sports: Bengals' Uniforms No Longer Look Stupid Now That Team Is Good: BRISTOL, CT—By wearing their brightly colo... http://bit.ly/4IL9kd
  12. Costco Nixes Coke Sales: Due to a disagreement over pricing, bog box wholesale club Costco is not carying Coca Cola... http://bit.ly/5Lx066
  13. New 'Noveller' Allows People To Post Novels They Write During Course Of Their Day: SAN FRANCISCO—"I love it," sai... http://bit.ly/6m0ION
  14. [audio] Celebrities Seize Africa: Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland http://bit.ly/7CaFBz
  15. Check It Out: Deer: News In Photos http://bit.ly/5CJVMd
  16. Sports: Several 2009 MLB Awards Clearly Thought Up On The Spot: NEW YORK—A number of players suggested to reporte... http://bit.ly/6cSSQM
  17. Nation's Music Snobs Protest Predictable Use Of Metallica, Pantera To Torture Prisoners: WASHINGTON—"What those p... http://bit.ly/8l7uym
  18. In Focus: Overweight College Student Announces Plans To Wear Shorts, Sandals For Rest Of Year: STATE COLLEGE, PA—... http://bit.ly/7dOUw6
  19. Sports: LeBron James Encourages NBA To Stop Jumping In Honor Of Michael Jordan: WASHINGTON—Prior to Wednesday's g... http://bit.ly/187FNv
  20. Senator Byrd The Longest-Serving Lawmaker: After more than 56 years in office, 92-year-old Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV... http://bit.ly/a5UWI