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TFLN
(724): I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.4:28 PM Dec 20thfrom web
(317): We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.11:15 AM Dec 20thfrom web
(719): There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.2:37 PM Dec 19thfrom web
(817): It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.1:35 PM Dec 18thfrom web
(517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.5:42 AM Dec 18thfrom web
(713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left10:15 AM Dec 17thfrom web
(951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.8:25 AM Dec 17thfrom web
(575): She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.11:25 AM Dec 16thfrom web
(424): We’re stuck in traffic in a stolen police car….which part of this is fun?11:05 AM Dec 16thfrom web
(212): I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.7:59 AM Dec 16thfrom web
(253): My bf texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"11:38 AM Dec 15thfrom web
(810): just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.3:16 PM Dec 14thfrom web
(248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm9:23 AM Dec 14thfrom web
(360): my secret santa just gave me a pregency test7:06 AM Dec 14thfrom web
(419): It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth7:47 PM Dec 13thfrom web
(574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree2:13 PM Dec 13thfrom web
(402): birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.8:59 AM Dec 12thfrom web
(732): I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.7:38 PM Dec 11thfrom web
(215): distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.1:00 PM Dec 11thfrom web
