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texburgher

  1. When you do home improvement together as well as @jkresen & I do, you kinda wish you hadn't shredded your Yellow Pages for pillow stuffing.
  2. @abigvictory WE HAVE NOT DISCUSSED PAYMENT THANK YOU VERY KINDLY.
  3. I don't doubt your sincerity, @CranberryPerson, but I don't know what "gas-to-oil ratio" is a euphemism for.
  4. I wonder if @CranberryPerson has a leaf blower. HAHAHAHAHA but seriously, I wonder if he'd let me borrow a few for the afternoon.
  5. Time to french the toast.
  6. OMG I love campfires! And guys, guys! GUYS!! First wedding photos burn SO AWESOME!!!
  7. Having a bonfire tonight with the kids. We're burning everything imaginable. Except for a witch. Apparently, their mom's out of town.
  8. Be kind to new parents when they brag about how great their kids are. Because soon enough, they'll wonder why everyone *else* got good kids.
  9. Home improvement is like learning a language. You only get good at it by showing off the fancy training CDs you own to dinner companions.
  10. Multitask (v.): To harbor the belief that you can untangle multiple knots simultaneously by allocating a fraction of a hand to each.
  11. Annnnd that's where multitasking gets you. Let's try this again.
  12. I bet Connor MacLeod studies Anakin's Count Dooku slaying like you wouldn't believe how unlikely it is that I'm going to get laid tonight.
  13. Now you can follow @cnnwtf on Twitter if you want to.
  14. Always the romantic, I bought my new love a gift. "'Accidental' Comic Strips by CNN.com" now has a domain of its very own: http://cnnwtf.com
  15. Not only were there no strangulation deaths today, your responses told me that A) I am very patient, and B) I should fear you all, deeply.
  16. @MikeToThaG Oh, so like not at effing all?
  17. @edr1084 Of all the answers I received, yours was most comforting, as it means I'm insanely patient.
  18. Quick, what is the accepted waiting period before strangling coworkers for coming to your desk to carry on loud, distracting conversations?
  19. The new UPMC Online Health Insurance Application: A user experience so unfathomably abysmal, you might just start exercising.
  20. I could be *so* much more productive if I could make nested lists on Twitter.