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sween

  1. Lightning flashes in a cloudless sky. I bolt awake and bellow three words: "PEANUT BUTTER LATTE!" In the distance, wolves howl.about 22 hours ago from web
  2. ♪ One of these things is not like the other and it's me because I've got boobs! ♪ - my wife11:31 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  3. Probably should have signed up for National Novel Writing In This Checkout Line.10:52 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  4. "I'll have a BLT please." "Do you want that with bacon or sausage?" "You don't know what BLT means, do you?"6:36 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  5. Relaxing on a Friday night, drinking tea and eating air-popped popcorn, so if you were planning on emasculating me, HAHA YOU'RE TOO LATE.6:46 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
  6. Canadian Kanye West: IMMA LET YOU FINISH! No. Really. Go on.4:33 PM Nov 6th from web
  7. THIS BATHROOM SMELLS LIKE CLAM CHOWDER. THIS IS NOT —NOR WILL IT EVER BE — A GOOD THING.12:55 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
  8. Canadians are very easy to make fun of because we don't complain. We're just happy to be noticed.12:07 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
  9. "So... how you doing? Are you comfy? Watch out, I'm a little lumpy there. You asleep yet? I'm bored." Never anthropomorphize your bed.8:38 AM Nov 6th from Tweetie
  10. "Goddammit, you bitch! You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight!" - Me. Just now. To my toilet.5:46 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  11. Wife: "It's better to just comply, honey."1:28 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  12. I'm taking part in NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaMo, also know as National "I'm the Six Million Dollar Man!" Month.9:08 AM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  13. You say: "You spend too much time online!" I hear: "I have a Hotmail account!"3:42 AM Nov 5th from web
  14. Maine bookstores are sold out of "Voting for Dummies".9:52 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  15. Look at you. Asking me if I did something you told me to do. With your voice. That's adorable.9:35 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  16. Stop being so paranoid. No one's out to get you. You're not that important. Here. I'll show you. We'll all show you.4:37 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  17. If a cat wants you to cuddle it, cuddle it. If it's a gym teacher wearing poorly-applied Peter Criss makeup, use your own discretion.6:54 PM Nov 3rd from web
  18. Elevator opens. A woman appears. STRUT-STRUT-PIVOT! PRESS THE BUTTON! PIVOT! LOOK LEFT! LOOK RIGHT! ASTHMA INHALER... PUFF! Workin' it.6:00 PM Nov 3rd from Tweetie
  19. Hey! Mr. Ball-Cap-And-Ponytail! I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU SAY. UNLESS IT'S ON THE SUBJECT OF BALL CAPS AND PONYTAILS. MAYBE.12:33 PM Nov 3rd from web
  20. ♪ Adding some slides! ♪ *duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH* ♪ To a PowerPoint deck! ♪ *duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH* This is why I don't sing the Blues.10:59 AM Nov 3rd from Tweetie