sween
- Lightning flashes in a cloudless sky. I bolt awake and bellow three words: "PEANUT BUTTER LATTE!" In the distance, wolves howl.about 22 hours ago from web
- ♪ One of these things is not like the other and it's me because I've got boobs! ♪
- my wife11:31 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
- Probably should have signed up for National Novel Writing In This Checkout Line.10:52 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
- "I'll have a BLT please."
"Do you want that with bacon or sausage?"
"You don't know what BLT means, do you?"6:36 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
- Relaxing on a Friday night, drinking tea and eating air-popped popcorn, so if you were planning on emasculating me, HAHA YOU'RE TOO LATE.6:46 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
- Canadian Kanye West:
IMMA LET YOU FINISH!
No. Really.
Go on.4:33 PM Nov 6th from web
- THIS BATHROOM SMELLS LIKE CLAM CHOWDER.
THIS IS NOT —NOR WILL IT EVER BE — A GOOD THING.12:55 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
- Canadians are very easy to make fun of because we don't complain. We're just happy to be noticed.12:07 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
- "So... how you doing? Are you comfy? Watch out, I'm a little lumpy there. You asleep yet? I'm bored."
Never anthropomorphize your bed.8:38 AM Nov 6th from Tweetie
- "Goddammit, you bitch! You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight!"
- Me. Just now. To my toilet.5:46 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
- Wife: "It's better to just comply, honey."1:28 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
- I'm taking part in NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaMo, also know as National "I'm the Six Million Dollar Man!" Month.9:08 AM Nov 5th from Tweetie
- You say: "You spend too much time online!"
I hear: "I have a Hotmail account!"3:42 AM Nov 5th from web
- Maine bookstores are sold out of "Voting for Dummies".9:52 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
- Look at you. Asking me if I did something you told me to do. With your voice. That's adorable.9:35 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
- Stop being so paranoid. No one's out to get you. You're not that important.
Here. I'll show you.
We'll all show you.4:37 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
- If a cat wants you to cuddle it, cuddle it.
If it's a gym teacher wearing poorly-applied Peter Criss makeup, use your own discretion.6:54 PM Nov 3rd from web
- Elevator opens. A woman appears.
STRUT-STRUT-PIVOT! PRESS THE BUTTON! PIVOT! LOOK LEFT! LOOK RIGHT! ASTHMA INHALER... PUFF!
Workin' it.6:00 PM Nov 3rd from Tweetie
- Hey! Mr. Ball-Cap-And-Ponytail!
I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU SAY.
UNLESS IT'S ON THE SUBJECT OF BALL CAPS AND PONYTAILS.
MAYBE.12:33 PM Nov 3rd from web
- ♪ Adding some slides! ♪
*duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH*
♪ To a PowerPoint deck! ♪
*duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH*
This is why I don't sing the Blues.10:59 AM Nov 3rd from Tweetie
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- Name Jason Sweeney
- Location Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
- Web http://iamyourcan...
- Bio limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper.
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