@crappington Ok! Now i wanna get revenge on you.

Thus far, this year is not going the way I thought it would. The same can be said for every other year of my life.

Hey, what's the best way to get revenge on yourself when u do something u shouldn't have?

NEW ITEM ON STUDIO8.NET:: SPIRIT DESIRE: Quick Pancake Thing bit.ly/zFmUFO #funnythings

I'm bad at women. Women is a thing and I'm bad at it.

Do u ever look at yourself in the mirror & think, "What the hell is going on with my face?"

There's a TV show called Tabatha Takes Over which features a sexless alien skeleton from the future dispensing business advice.

Even when I'm off I'm working. And I'm fine with this. Really. No, I am!

My pal Josh Trank has a film called "Chronicle" in theaters now. Go see it. Here's a vid we made with him - youtu.be/kqPiIMJLFP8

Accidentally hit a pigeon with my car today. What's next, I run over a fish with my bicycle that I don't even have?

I am watching the Royal Rumble at 5pm today so just forget about me coming to your 5pm parties, ok?

Well, once again, just like almost every other day of the year, it was not my birthday today. #fml

I need to shave my mouth today, but I won't tell you why. You are free to guess, though!

This is one of my favorite videos of 2012. So proud of our @TNM_Austin comedians. youtu.be/JZy1BQCJZpQ

Longest 2 days in human history. RT @ericwareheim: good morning. 2 short days till B$M is on your TV or internette.

Just finally watched "The Help." Does eating poopoo give you cold sores?

For all u criminals who read my status updates, please don't ever rob, shoot, or stab me. Thanks!

Just discovered that a real-life actual furry loves The House That Drips Blood on Alex & The Tommy Wi-Show! youtu.be/rco1lVyYiqM

NEW ITEM ON STUDIO8.NET:: SPIRIT DESIRE: 5-Hour Energy Commercial bit.ly/xvHQx3 #funnythings

NEW ITEM ON STUDIO8.NET:: Studio 8 in "Star Wars: Uncut" bit.ly/A7ZmCs #funnythings