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stevewhitaker

  1. I declare today "Tom Hanksgiving."
  2. Really hoping they bring out drunk David Hasselhoff to emcee today's parade.
  3. Cher, Madonna. Madonna, Cher. ZOMFG TERRIBLE NUCLEAR ACCIDENT Lady Gaga origin story.
  4. @tanque back atcha.
  5. People of the world: Today, I risk all to reveal this national secret: Americans don't really eat turkey on Thanksgiving. The meat is huma
  6. TV: "Glee!" Me: flee.
  7. Long-time follower, first time @-er.
  8. @Favstar cool idea.
  9. I'm going to start calling butter "I can't believe it's not 'I can't believe it's not butter.' "
  10. @Lilykily next one, I'm nekkid.
  11. @Lilykily you mean my finely-honed manly pecs?!
  12. "Bud, if you get down from the table, the dog'll eat your cookie." Just as the ancient Mayans foresaw.
  13. Hey, does anybody know how to poison, say, a turkey? Just hypothetically, I mean.
  14. Fuck you in your I, 64.
  15. @molliebryan you, too.
  16. Apparently, we'll be on the road today with over a million other Virginians. I sure hope they brought their own beer.
  17. @shawndecker you need fifty CCs of Magnum, PI, stat!
  18. @kyleridolfo it doesn't always fit.
  19. @kyleridolfo is that sweet-ass keyboard, or sweet ass-keyboard?
  20. @vmarinelli It is your birthday / I wrote this haiku for you / But it sucks. Sorry. But happy birthday!