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StephenTColbert

  1. Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?7:50 AM Jul 5th from web
  2. Happy Independence Day, the greatest day in the history of the world! Take that Britain!8:34 AM Jul 4th from web
  3. When in Rome , I find a McDonald's where they speak English.11:05 AM Jul 3rd from web
  4. This is America, where we have health insurance companies standing between the patient and the doctor.9:23 AM Jun 26th from web
  5. I’m no fan of tennis. If I wanted to see men in short shorts running around hitting balls with a paddle, I’d go on the internet.7:29 AM Jun 26th from web
  6. @Brandiwine12 I'd have to agree with you on that one.1:05 PM Jun 22nd from TweetDeck in reply to Brandiwine12
  7. Summertime means carnivals. There's no better way to enjoy fresh air than by inhaling go-cart exaust and churro dust.8:15 AM Jun 21st from TweetDeck
  8. All my life, I’ve identified with strong, military role models. As a child, I ate a lot of Cap’n Crunch.8:08 AM Jun 14th from web
  9. I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and if that fails I curl up like an armadillo.7:38 PM May 27th from web
  10. Happy memorial day!2:31 PM May 25th from mobile web
  11. A house divided against itself cannot stand, but it's worth squat in this market anyway.6:04 PM May 23rd from web
  12. Wow, nearly 50k followers, quite impressive nation.3:46 PM May 23rd from web
  13. #3drunkwords I voted Democrat!2:24 PM May 23rd from web
  14. Does this smell like chloroform to you? #cornypickuplines6:25 AM May 23rd from web
  15. Your father? A thief? Or did someone else steal stars from the sky and put them in your eyes? #cornypickuplines6:21 AM May 23rd from web
  16. @pitchforkmedia Yes, yes it is.5:09 PM May 20th from web in reply to pitchforkmedia
  17. Side effects of tonight's show may include euphoria, patriotism and painful urination.4:46 PM May 20th from web
  18. Put your money where your mouth is, it's a lot safer than a bank.7:35 PM May 19th from web
  19. Racial tension is on the rise in Switzerland. Conditions have risen from neutral to ambivalent.1:07 PM May 8th from web
  20. A philosophical question - if a president passed a law requiring him to break that law, could he do it? Or did I just blow your mind?7:44 PM May 7th from web