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StephenColbert

  1. I've taken a long vacation...All I do is say funny things...And I'm thinking of raising my own salary...What am I a Senator? 2:58 PM Aug 23rd from web
  2. I suggest we do what every good American does when dissatisfied with the state of affairs. Watch an episode of "So You Think You Can Dance"! 8:57 PM Jul 29th from web
  3. Today a little Chihuahua shaped piece of America died. The Taco Bell Chihuahua showed us that there's nothing more American than Mexican. 6:47 PM Jul 22nd from web
  4. Math may be the language of the Devil, but statistics proves that reality really is what you make it. 8:10 AM Jul 21st from web
  5. All I had to do to get back into Twitter was type my credit card number into some web site in Japanese! I'M BACK AMERICA! 11:49 AM Jul 17th from web
  6. "Facts" are usually right, but that doesn't make them cool. 11:31 AM Jul 17th from web
  7. @StephenAtHome You may be me at home, but I'm me on the Internets! Which is the real me? (I think it's me). 12:05 PM Jul 15th from web
  8. Intellectuals beware! Education is for people who love books, but hate America! 7:53 AM Jul 15th from web
  9. The amount of twitter followers is directly proportional to to your patriotic manliness. 1:34 PM Jul 12th from web
  10. Remember kids! In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. 7:20 PM May 13th, 2007 from web
  11. Isn’t an agnostic just an atheist without balls? 5:32 PM May 10th, 2007 from web
  12. There's nothing wrong with stretching the Truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious. 9:55 AM May 8th, 2007 from web
  13. Like any good newsman, I believe that if you're not scared, I'm not doing my job. 12:00 AM May 1st, 2007 from web
  14. Hey, America, are you thinking what I'm thinking? You soon will be. 10:51 AM Apr 30th, 2007 from web
  15. When life gets you down don't get mad, get Stephen 2:45 PM Apr 26th, 2007 from web
  16. How many roads must a man walk down before he is run over by an eighteen-wheeler of truth? 1:07 PM Apr 26th, 2007 from web
  17. The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun. 11:19 PM Apr 22nd, 2007 from web
  18. Viewers of this show unite! You have nothing to lose but the facts. 5:33 PM Apr 19th, 2007 from web
  19. The world is a dirty place, and I am America's lemon-scented wetnap. 7:21 PM Apr 18th, 2007 from web
  20. Guess what: The E in E-Mail...stands for 'E-Mail'. 1:46 AM Apr 16th, 2007 from web