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standupcomedy

  1. If you Twitter, you need to watch this video... http://ow.ly/g2718:05 AM Jun 29th from HootSuite
  2. Make awkward sexual advances, not war. Then if rejected, make completely unrelated war.2:20 PM Mar 5th from web
  3. I am serving 12 consecutive life sentences for tearing tags off mattresses I did not own.2:19 PM Mar 5th from web
  4. I think from now on when I retweet women, I'll pre-append "That's what she said."2:19 PM Mar 5th from web
  5. crowdsourcing is like getting your whole high school to do your homework for you2:19 PM Mar 5th from web
  6. When scheduling I always say "I'm on EST" - and feel like I'm confessing to a some kind of drug habit.2:19 PM Mar 5th from web
  7. lowercase writing is the casual dress of communications. you can't make me capitalize. i won't do it. deal with it. ;-)2:19 PM Mar 5th from web
  8. Yes I love hot baths but they are extremely manly hot baths.2:18 PM Mar 5th from web
  9. Yikies.8:13 PM Feb 24th from web
  10. @daddybrain11 yeah, i'm confused.7:26 PM Feb 24th from web in reply to daddybrain11
  11. @griergg my miata is classy grey. and it has extra testosterone.7:26 PM Feb 24th from web in reply to griergg
  12. @DivaOfLove lol7:26 PM Feb 24th from web in reply to DivaOfLove
  13. OMG I just had a completely NEW memory!7:25 PM Feb 24th from web
  14. I hate people that hate categories of things. And I hate haters. But only occasionally.7:25 PM Feb 24th from web
  15. I have a sixth sense about what sports teams are going to win. I think maybe I have ESPN.7:25 PM Feb 24th from web
  16. I got into a car accident today. No, I got INTO it after it happened. The victims were doubly confused.7:25 PM Feb 24th from web
  17. New name for those spammy twitter profiles that sport a sexy body with no head: BODBOTS7:24 PM Feb 24th from web
  18. @azwebdesign congrats!2:27 PM Feb 20th from web in reply to DLDesign
  19. @offbytwo lol thx for the retweet!2:27 PM Feb 20th from web in reply to offbytwo
  20. Me without my contacts in ::-)6:24 PM Feb 19th from web
  • Name Brian Carter Comedy
  • Location In your ear. No, your EAR.
  • Web http://www.youtub...
  • Bio I make jokes, funny videos, and get witty all over. I'm a teeny bit more serious over at @briancarter.
3,972 Following 5,263 Followers
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