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squibble

  1. I'LL EAT UP ALL YOUR CRACKERS AND YOUR LICORICE
  2. The time was 6 o'clock on the Swatch Watch, no time to chill, got a date, can't be late, hey, THE GIRL IS GONNA DO ME.
  3. @CranberryPerson Ain't nothing wrong, if you wanna do the butt ALL NIGHT LONG.
  4. I just substituted a fruit cup for french fries at lunch. If you see any 2012 shit start happening, I'll take responsibility.
  5. @SarahInMI No doubt. It should also be for beer at 9am.
  6. @idlemuse Only when driving. :)
  7. IT'S A SPEED BUMP NOT A FUCKING STOP SIGN YOU PIECE OF WHORE SHIT
  8. My lips are so chapped I bet I could give a blowjob to a Chapstick right now and it wouldn't help anything. Except maybe the chapstick.
  9. So a guy walks into a bar and orders a salad... And another guy at the bar (me) judges him and tweets about it.
  10. The bar has shopping mall Christmas Muzak. MUZAK I thought the alcohol was supposed to be the depressant.
  11. I have a cold beer in one hand, my newly replaced iPhone in the other. I need a third hand to touch myself to complete the trifecta.
  12. iPhone is broke, barely near civilization, much less an Apple Store. Pray for the lives of those near me as this doesnt help my disposition.
  13. I've just had three shots of something very alcoholic. Oh and I have had beers too.
  14. I'll save the associated tweet for @Flatulator for about 12-18 hours.
  15. My good friend @MrsHands gets married and now I feel pregnant. Logical.
  16. I like to imagine that in the Christmas Audi headlight commercial the neighbors walk toward the cars to beat people up for pretentiousness.
  17. My blood type is A+. Tha'ts right.
  18. Sometimes I can't take off the cocksmith hat.
  19. @InSoOutSo Yo' I heard you like dreams...
  20. Friends are awesome, especially for the times when you need a different picture angle, so that it looks like Ronald McDonald is blowing you.