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Spiegelmania

  1. What's the difference between a staircase and a stairwell? Better yet, don't tell me, I'd like to spend my life ignorant of this fact.
  2. @jacobsirof But I finally have a decent photo. Look! Cesar Chavez wants to eat my head!
  3. I just discovered the secret to life: Be shitty to everyone.
  4. Might have left my sandwich at your house. Could you check? Turkey & swiss, onions, tomato, mayo, no lettuce, nice roll, could you heat it?
  5. Like! Like! I have too many Likes! I have more Likes than there are posts on Facebook!
  6. @fivetenburger will you be at @oaklandlayover tonight?
  7. "Ach, they let you read the magazines for free, no wonder Border's Books closed!" - Future You.
  8. Crate & Barrel sells neither crates nor barrels!!!
  9. If a tree falls down in the woods and there's no one's around to hear it, it's b/c I knocked it down with a punch, for I'm the Tree Puncher!
  10. The Matrix movies would be a lot funnier with a laugh track.
  11. I'd pay about 75 dollars worth of the world's most expensive hamburger.
  12. Your mom walks into a bar, orders a $10 cocktail. "It's on me," said the bartender. "I still owe you from last night." #KCS
  13. @OSheaComputer It was supposed to be my last heist before retirement.
  14. What do you get when you cross Coca-Cola with Pepsi Cola? Really sweet RC Cola.
  15. Boat food is people food you eat on boats.
  16. The hipper bridge is the Bay Bridge.