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sparkles_plenty

  1. Spent the last 7 hours making fresh beef stock. Unicorns better fly outta my ass when I eat that shit. 10:51 PM Nov 17th from UberTwitter
  2. RT: http://bit.ly/4zyxPO 6:08 PM Nov 13th from mobile web
  3. Husband sleeping with soccer blaring on tv. I turn volume WAY down to watch Golden Girls. He snaps to like he's been kicked in the nads. 8:45 PM Nov 9th from UberTwitter
  4. Judging by the smell of the litterbox I just emptied, Gloria has been eating roadkill and old tires. 3:33 PM Oct 26th from UberTwitter
  5. @Funktards Agreed. Except for the times testicles are on the menu. I gotta draw the line somewhere, and reproductive organs are it. 8:22 PM Oct 21st from UberTwitter in reply to Funktards
  6. Enough of the embarassment. I am putting myself in charge of the Titans' schedule. Next up: Miss Mary's School for the Blind. 8:10 PM Oct 18th from UberTwitter
  7. I would totally watch RT @DaveHolmes: I can't wait to see how they dramatize Balloon Boy story on "Law & Order: Ridiculous Bullshit Unit." 3:52 PM Oct 15th from UberTwitter
  8. Husband is out of town. For dinner I had some beef jerkey and a handful of croutons. Sweet Christ, I really know how to live. 5:08 PM Oct 13th from UberTwitter
  9. @nashfoodies Got our turkey from them last year. Our turkey coma was even better than usual. 5:31 PM Oct 5th from UberTwitter in reply to nashfoodies
  10. Spouse: We need toilet paper. Me: Use the proper name please. Spouse: Can you buy some shit tickets? Me: Thank you. 9:05 PM Oct 3rd from UberTwitter
  11. Woody Allen is demanding Polanski's release? That's sweet! I keep forgetting how heartwarming pedophile solidarity can be. 6:10 PM Sep 29th from UberTwitter
  12. Smell of fresh smoked weed outside my door. This will not stand. If I'm not getting baked at my house nobody else is either. 11:01 PM Sep 28th from UberTwitter
  13. During lunch a crown came off. Now there's only a hole where one of my front teeth should be. The world is not ready for this much beauty. 10:43 AM Sep 24th from UberTwitter
  14. So Top Chef's host Padma used to be married to Salman Rushdie? Wow. Dude must have had it seriously going on between the sheets. 7:04 PM Sep 23rd from UberTwitter
  15. Whoever came up with Miami's NFL logo needs a healthy crotchkicking. But I hate them, so whatever. 8:34 PM Sep 21st from UberTwitter
  16. Ladies' cologne-wearing angry grunge guy smells especially good today. Want to ask him what perfume he's wearing but can't quite do it. 9:43 AM Sep 21st from TweetDeck
  17. @katnap My suggestion: Buy a bottle of booze, watch trashy TV, and call it a day. I'm here to help, you know. 6:01 PM Sep 11th from UberTwitter in reply to katnap
  18. Seal blubber in flight/Eskimo delight #unpopularsongsfromthe70's 9:31 PM Sep 5th from UberTwitter
  19. @jimreams Thanks for making me aware of the fact that I can remember David Soul's one crappy hit with no help from Google. 11:15 AM Sep 3rd from TweetDeck in reply to jimreams
  20. Me: Which security guard are you talking about? Employee: Bob. The one who stands out on the corner and talks to the stop sign. 5:08 PM Sep 2nd from UberTwitter
  • Name sparkles_plenty
  • Location ÜT: 36.153327,-86.780796
  • Bio One woman crusader to rid the world of scurvy, one vodka and orange juice at a time.
49 Following 29 Followers 5 Listed
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