soupysales
Kids, look up "helluva guy" in the dictionary, you'll find @larrykcolumn. Then tell him to answer his phone, the prick owes me five large.
| soupysales Ran into Karen Valentine yesterday at Trader Vic's. That ancient, decrepit old broad still has the tastiest gams this side of Culver City. |
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| soupysales I just farted older than McCain. |
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| soupysales So I say, "Here's two more words for you: sarcastic prick!" We laugh and laugh. Later, I find shit smeared on the windshield of my Caddy. |
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| soupysales I see Carlin at the '79 Emmys. I say, "Hey, isn't motherfucker TWO words?" He says, "Wow, that's funny, man. Never heard that one before." |
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| soupysales You kids don't know from funny. Don Rickles, crawling on the floor of the Stardust crying while Dino pelts him with dimes? Now that's laffs! |
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| soupysales First rule of comedy: if it BENDS, it's funny. If it BREAKS, it was probably written by one of you mouth-breathing punks. |
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| soupysales Once in '75 Fred Silverman cornered me and said, "Suck me or I'll cancel your show." So I did. Found out later he thought I was Dick Cavett. |
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| soupysales Just because I wouldn't touch Rose Marie with my worthless manager's shriveled prick doesn't mean I don't consider her a gifted comedienne. |
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| soupysales @therealjason Podcast? I think I took one of those at James Coco's pool party in '76. I thought I saw God, but it was just Coco's hairy ass. |
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| soupysales I met Harvey when I did Carol Burnett back in '70. Helluva guy. What - I meant the show, you lousy pricks. Anyway, Harv - shit. Fucking Tw |
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| soupysales Show me a cow dressed in rags and I'll show you Phyllis Diller. Wait, I meant bum steer. Fuck, let me start over. Whaddya mean I only got 14 |
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| soupysales Kids, be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you. Or if you're Jerry Orbach, they won't smell like rancid cat vomit. Sweet Jesus. |
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| soupysales It ain't exactly cocktail hour at Patsy's with Steve Allen, but at least YumYum don't complain when I yack homemade gin all over her sofa. |
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| soupysales I'm 82, but I got the body of a 20 year old -- back at the hotel! Heh. Kills 'em every time. Actually though she's 43. Okay 68. |
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| soupysales Yeah sure, I miss the big time. Fame, moolah. One thing I don't miss? Walking in on a nude Vic Tayback, jowls deep in JoAnn Worley. My eyes! |
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| soupysales Here's an oldie: "Buy thermometers in the wintertime: they're much lower then!" Heh. I guess that was funnier before they shut off my heat. |
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| soupysales Used to be days of wine and roses. Now it's Thunderbird and food stamps. But at least I got that stack of Playboys under the bed. |
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| soupysales If I had a quarter for every time a broad ever offered me her body, I'd have...a dollar fifty. Buck seventy-five if you count Jayne Meadows. |
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| soupysales Patty Duke told me once, "Soupy, you may not be a star anymore, but you've still got talent." "Patty," I said, "You are a diseased whore." |
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