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soupysales

  1. In the end, kiddos, your Uncle Soupy just wants what everybody wants: to not die alone. That, and a rusty trombone from Phyllis McGuire.
  2. @thepeoplegeek Kid, I did rehab in '78. Woke up one night licking fermented sweat off Burt Convy's armpit and haven't missed a drink since.
  3. Did you kids catch me at the Oscar ceremony last Sunday? Neither did security! KAPOW!
  4. Happy 2009, kids! Uncle Soup's kickin' around for another year, which is six more than I can say for that prick Buddy Hackett.
  5. @Krewell @TroyAker @thepeoplegeek They say great minds think alike. Maybe some of them can figure out what's wrong with you sick pups.
  6. Sad correction, kids: I'm told Ms MacRae is deceased. So (1) I got zero shot; and (2) some of you junior Sherlocks need to get laid. Pronto!
  7. @hmargulies Thanks for the appetizing image, pal. May your next chili dog be rubbed against by a syphilitic whore. That was one of Carson's.
  8. BTW, just kidding about Meredith MacRae. She's still a beautiful, classy lady. Also, she doesn't read Twitter so I think I still got a shot.
  9. @JimmyRay_Purser Spent the day @ the VFW w/old Navy buddies, sharing gruesome war stories. Lotsa crying. Then I realized I was in a Denny's.
  10. Guess who housesat for me while I was in Vegas? Gavin MacLeod, of TV's "Love Boat"! Needless to say, my apartment now smells like dead hobo.
  11. Kids, a friendly FYI from your Uncle Soupy. Your Twitterrank and fifty cents'll get you a drunken handjob from Meredith McRae.
  12. @hmargulies Kid, I knew Bea Benaderet. Bea Benaderet was a friend. And you...could actually be Bea Benaderet, with more hair on your tits.
  13. @bamboozlde Thanks for the latest from Mars, kid, but what's happening here on planet Earth?
  14. Holy cow what a crazy week! Me, Tim Conway, two juicy cocktail waitresses and a case of Chivas? Nuff said! So what's new in the world, kids?
  15. @Moeskido What they oughta bring is an ambulance. Johnny Mac's looking uglier than what I coughed up into my Ensure smoothie this morning!
  16. Saw McCain on TV last night. I ain't seen a face like that since I woke up next to Jack Elam after a five-day bender at the Stardust. Yow!
  17. You kids don't know hard times. In '49 when I started at WKRC, I was so poor I had to make soup out of Glenn Ryle's used dress socks. Salty!
  18. Joining me at Tao: my gal pal Shylah, who'll flash her bazoombas at the crowd, then scream "What the fuck you looking at, bitch?" Big laffs!
  19. Kids, don't miss my exciting show at Tao in Vegas Friday. I'll be out front telling the punk kid bouncer I'm SOUPY FUCKING SALES GOD DAMMIT.
  20. Sure, she's no Loni Anderson, but if you've never shtupped Charlotte Rae in an airplane john, you got nothin' to say...