sniffyjenkins
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I make slipping in the mud and landing on my arse look as easy as slipping in the mud and landing on my arse.
7:19 AM Nov 11th
from Birdhouse
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It's rather difficult to ignore the elephant in the room when it's just crapped all over your couch.
8:50 AM Nov 9th
from Brizzly
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I like to call a spade a spade but the bloody thing never answers me back.
Maybe it prefers being called a rude dickhead instead.
6:03 AM Nov 9th
from Birdhouse
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@ Pics or it didn't happ...oh, wait.
3:29 AM Nov 9th
from Brizzly
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Dunno what you're trying to tell me by 'Have this fat-free yoghurt for brunch' but you're going to find it a lot harder without any teeth.
3:15 AM Nov 6th
from Brizzly
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@ You sound more unraged to me. Or maybe even downraged.
12:36 AM Nov 6th
from Power Twitter
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I haz a @ in teh pub ha ha beetches.
12:23 PM Oct 23rd
from Tweetie
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Americans use 'DEFCON' to describe military readiness. Sounds bold, tough. We Brits have 'BIKINI state'. Sounds...rather chilly, actually.
5:32 AM Oct 20th
from Birdhouse
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There are only two scoops of coffee left in the jar in the office kitchen. Colleagues beware: I'm going to DEFCON 2.
3:29 AM Oct 20th
from Brizzly
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Creating exciting new Twitter hashtags:
...
NO *YOU* SHUT UP YOU'RE NOT THE MEME OF ME.
10:21 AM Oct 18th
from Birdhouse
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Don't know what you're staring at, kid. You've seen air guitar plenty of times before.
This is the same.
Only with bagpipes.
Dickhead.
5:57 AM Oct 16th
from Birdhouse
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Today's look is Hobo Sans Caffeine, which explains my anger & scruffiness. And the meat cleaver? Dunno, but I'm sure I'll find a use for it.
4:48 AM Oct 15th
from Brizzly
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Wow lady, I don’t know how you became a morbidly obese VEGAN, but I sure do salute the effort & commitment that must have gone into it.
5:20 AM Oct 14th
from Brizzly
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@ Disposable fingers?
8:00 AM Oct 13th
from Brizzly
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The prophecies foretold this day of misery & despair, but not just how bad it would get.
Now I know. The coffee is ALL OVER my new jeans.
4:16 AM Oct 13th
from Birdhouse
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I'm celebrating Columbo Day by wearing a crumpled trenchcoat, asking to borrow people's pencils & being more absent-minded than usual. What?
5:07 AM Oct 12th
from Brizzly
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Pro tip: 'But it's FRIDAY!' is not an acceptable response to The Boss's question 'Why are you wearing pyjamas and a duvet to work?'.
3:51 AM Oct 9th
from Brizzly
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Heading to London for a meeting with my publisher. I'm steeling myself for the inevitable quizzical look & "The bins are round the back..".
4:42 AM Oct 7th
from Brizzly
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My publicist's work DOES involve pubs, guys! OK, there was silence on the phone when I asked, but I'll be positive & take that as a yes.
6:21 AM Oct 6th
from Brizzly
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I've just been assigned a publicist by my publisher. I've no idea what a publicist actually does, but I'm hoping it involves pubs.
4:29 AM Oct 6th
from Brizzly
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