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Message for 2009: People who live in log cabins shouldn't throw cigarettes.7:17 AM Feb 26th from web
Dear Emo's doormen, you are not legends, you are lumpy losers!10:38 AM Feb 1st from txt
When will public drinking fountains become a bad memory? They are thirst quenching germ baths. Sick.10:13 AM Jan 28th from txt
When my Thigh Master started fighting back...6:43 AM Jan 22nd from txt
It's a Coinstar day, kids. We're going to Wendy's!7:49 AM Jan 19th from txt
Wash your hands after eating AND snacking.2:42 PM Jan 17th from txt
Pound by pound she caked it on, making mohawks and mullets with each slick re-gelling.8:30 AM Jan 17th from txt
Hate cars, love car talk.7:54 AM Jan 17th from txt
Toto put 7lbs of L.A. Looks in her hair last nite and slept on it. It smells like a slaughter house.7:50 AM Jan 15th from txt
There are Bebe bras under my bed!6:02 PM Jan 14th from txt
Take me to Shy Girl Palace please.4:21 PM Jan 13th from txt
Monster Energy Drink; I don't want to drink something out of a can that looks like a bomb.12:10 PM Jan 9th from txt
I just hacked into Jimmy Carter's Twitter account. Weird.8:13 PM Jan 8th from txt
Who needs pets when you have a mullet.4:04 PM Jan 8th from txt
Frump it or dump it; wardrobe bitch talk 2009.4:03 PM Jan 8th from txt
Little Italy- you can smell the diabetes.4:03 PM Jan 8th from txt
Bacon Weave, the stylin snack.12:43 PM Jan 8th from txt
Don't be such a diaper rash.7:58 PM Jan 7th from txt
Meat cookies for everyone!8:58 PM Jan 6th from txt
If my metal hair smells like a rave, should I be worried?4:51 PM Jan 3rd from txt