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smartasshat

  1. Little Known Fact: For the coming Zombiepocalypse, the government has a secret base where they stockpile zombies' natural enemy, the buzzard
  2. @Mike_FTW RIPF
  3. Sarah Palin faced off with Oprah and claims to have fared well, BUT I SAW HER BLINK!
  4. @brittneyg Your roof is the one spot in SF that gets AT&T reception, right?
  5. @brittneyg Oh please oh please oh please oh please post a link to the segment. Thank you.
  6. @sween Gorgeous brunettes have a successful history of playing to us... I mean THOSE nerds. Yeah, that's it.
  7. LITTLE KNOWN FACT: @vmarinelli has a removable leg, and sometimes on her birthday, she will detach it to wow crowds. True story.
  8. What happens in Halliburton STAYS in Halliburton.
  9. JIZZUS CHRIST! - Exclamation uttered when masturbating and the semen jumps over the tissue, getting all over you. I hear.
  10. @ThunderDolt I bet that person would be astounded at the astronomical odds of Lou Gehrig actually getting Lou Gehrig's Disease.
  11. BREAKING: Defense Secretary Robert Gates demands that the military provide a list of personnel who will go on a shooting spree in the future
  12. Someone sprayed so much Febreze™ in this bathroom that it's Feblustery™.
  13. Febreze™ - All the wretched scum and villainy of Walmart condensed to a handy spray!
  14. Someone nailed Kanye's shoes to the floor.
  15. @Jessabelle2o7 Whilst you do have a point, I am relieved that you can not hear me pronounce "literally".
  16. @aedison And shurikens. Don't forget shurikens.
  17. RT @urkillingme: A: Because Walmart forces unattainably low prices from their suppliers Q: Why did the textile plants in that Georgia ... ...
  18. The following is a Retweet™ in _Jeopardy!_ format. Enjoy.
  19. ABBA The Hutt #starwarsbandnames
  20. Duran Duran Binks #starwarsbandnames