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smartasshat

  1. Ask not "Who killed the Kennedys?". Ask "Who did the Kennedys kill?". (HINT: It was Mary Jo Kopechne.)
  2. Realize this and prosper: Girls have more complex feelings. It's always prudent to tread lightly and apologize often.
  3. It took quite a genius to replace Steve Jobs' liver. But he was out of warranty so it cost an arm and a leg.
  4. @cleversimon That's your slam-dunk. I don't even need to say "good luck." So: Congrats on getting the job!
  5. @bliccy You had me UNTIL "Just happy hour, mister."
  6. *Sarah Palin is not attractive to Chris Christie's NJ Gov campaign* You could have stopped after the 5th word.
  7. @luomat But @MaureenDowd dismisses the iPhone because people use it to talk about sandwiches.
  8. *Quitting Liar Palin Says She's a Fighter, Not a Quitter*
  9. Harry Potter and Michael Jackson's $20 Million
  10. Betsy Ross' balls were SO big that they could hide @gruber for an entire year. #BRBalls
  11. Betsy Ross' balls were SO big that they couldn't be separated due to their mutual gravitational attraction. #BRBalls
  12. @kellydeal I think he was doing it _ironically_.
  13. @CcSteff I hear tell them Boy Scouts is purty kinky, too.
  14. @cleversimon Oh no! Don't tell me @wilburly is back!
  15. Hey, they were right! Firefox 3.5 crashes MUCH faster.
  16. OH at Sports-bar-ish lounge: "Give him a shot to shut him up!" Um, perhaps you don't fully understand the effect alcohol has on humans.
  17. @vmarinelli Perhaps they stumbled upon @Lynyrd's souvenir a year ago. That'd do it.
  18. @clapifyoulikeme Ask her if they have Fourth of July over there!
  19. Photoset: It’s 1975. You have to bet on which one of these guys will die first. Easy, right? http://tumblr.com/x7l28mp2z
  20. RT @FOXnews: BREAKING! Wacko-Jacko's will says Sarah Palin is Michael Jackson's Baby Mama. "She needs to breed." (PLEASE RT!) #tcot #RIPMJ