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sloganeerist

  1. My local cafe was closed yesterday, but they're still serving day-old donuts today. Kiss me, America, you committed-workforced motherfucker. about 20 hours ago from Birdfeed
  2. Every Thanksgiving I wake up early and pretend I'm a survivor in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I'm gonna eat so much homeless person flesh! 9:14 AM Nov 26th from web
  3. I don't know if you guys heard, Carl Lipbomb died last week at summer camp from a severe anxiety attack. 8:54 PM Nov 25th from web
  4. I bet when he was younger, Jesus got really sick of idiots telling him happy birthday on Thanksgiving. 5:23 PM Nov 25th from Birdhouse
  5. @MooeyTie Zinfandel? LOL. I drink bottles of Zinfandel for breakfast. Seriously, whole bottles. Please get me the medical attention I need. 3:33 PM Nov 25th from web in reply to MooeyTie
  6. Pardon all the turkeys you want. But this here box of Pinot is a bygod dead man walking. 2:46 PM Nov 25th from Birdfeed
  7. Unless you wanna see tons of photos of her covered in sweaty nude hippies, do not Google my ex-girlfriend, Dolores Park. 7:28 AM Nov 25th from Birdhouse
  8. Time for our holiday food drive, when thoughts turn to those less fortunate families who can't afford their own hominy and tomato paste. 5:04 PM Nov 24th from Birdhouse
  9. Like they say, if you have to ask the Blockbuster lady how much it costs to rub Twix in her mustache and make out, you can't afford it. 3:26 PM Nov 24th from Birdhouse
  10. Nowhere in all of poetry is the simple, captivating beauty of human emotion so gracefully expressed as in the works of W.H. Auden. No homo. 12:49 PM Nov 24th from Birdhouse
  11. Pot is my new anti-drug. Shut up, I know. Everything else was taken and it was like two minutes til last call. Plus I was tweaking balls. 5:48 PM Nov 23rd from Birdhouse
  12. Why is Blue Oyster Cult doing a reunion? They're the worst band ever! Oh, I see now. Yeah, it does feel good to type those words again. 5:06 PM Nov 19th from Birdhouse
  13. "Pube on a Bathroom Sink" is Answer begetting Question. An absolute truth, whose sole profit is to uncloak the absense of its own finality. 4:34 PM Nov 19th from Birdhouse
  14. @badbanana Caring. It's not common in older Americans, nor is it curable, but it can be treated. Ask your doctor about Scotch. 2:31 PM Nov 19th from web in reply to badbanana
  15. I'll admit I'm doing too many steroids when you admit that I just vacuumed this weak little pussified living room right up its fairy ass. 8:13 AM Nov 19th from Birdhouse
  16. Everyone here acts like "Hogan's Heroes The Movie" was never even a thing that me and my friends got high and laughed about. 8:21 PM Nov 18th from Birdhouse
  17. I AM @MEETINGGUY. 1:17 PM Nov 18th from web
  18. Everyone seeks revenge for your paranoia. 5:34 PM Nov 17th from Birdhouse
  19. I just passed up a free ticket to a rock concert so I could go hang out with trivia nerds. Oh God, I'M BECOMING THE OPPOSITE OF MY FATHER. 3:56 PM Nov 17th from web
  20. When life hands you lemons, cram them in your pants to look like you have comically enormous testicles. Trust me. Lemonade = not funny. 10:49 AM Nov 16th from Birdhouse