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sloganeerist

  1. When life hands you lemons, cram them in your pants to look like you have comically enormous testicles. Trust me. Lemonade = not funny. about 13 hours ago from Birdhouse
  2. Another autumn, another 9 feet of property line forfeited to my neighbor. I should really buy a longer extension cord for this leaf blower. 5:11 PM Nov 15th from web
  3. Ole Miss assfucking UT is like Rush Limbaugh kicking Bill O'Reilly's ass. Great, but I wish somebody'd just open fire on the whole thing. 12:14 PM Nov 14th from Birdfeed
  4. Listen up, couple things: DON'T order The Serpent and the Rainbow Roll at Bluefin sushi bar. Also, DON'T let them bury me. I'm not dead. 12:02 PM Nov 13th from Birdhouse
  5. As God is my witness, I thought ducks could drink unlimited Kahlua. 10:31 AM Nov 13th from Birdhouse
  6. Focus Groups. Arming you with the selective evidence you need to loosely support the same biased opinion you walked in with. But costlier.™ 7:40 PM Nov 12th from Birdhouse
  7. My dad can beat up your dad. At weed smoking. 10:55 AM Nov 12th from Birdhouse
  8. Whoa, we have an XBox?! 8:02 PM Nov 11th from web
  9. Doing my part and eating "green meat" to save the planet or whatever and I don't think this is right because God Jesus the pain call 911. 8:22 PM Nov 9th from Birdhouse
  10. Ever notice you never see Hall & Oates and Guns & Roses in the same place? Or in different places? Or any place? Or at all? I know. WEIRD. 3:08 PM Nov 9th from web
  11. Yes, sweetie. It's a pretty drawing. Daddy's scotch looks almost real. ALMOST, HINT. Go on now. Go hang it by momma's ashes with the others. 5:21 PM Nov 5th from Birdhouse
  12. O, Haydn! Your scornful regard for stilly-paced tradition is rousing, but this insufferable woodwind partisanship is positively indecorous! 12:43 PM Nov 5th from web
  13. Has anyone ever beaned an opposing manager? Cos a fastball in Girardi's ear would really send a message right now. 7:32 PM Nov 4th from web
  14. Hey, Maine. You wanna see something destroy the sanctity of marriage? Stop by my bathroom on Burrito & Draft Beer Tuesday. Bring your bible. 11:44 AM Nov 4th from Birdhouse
  15. If there's one thing I can't stand it's a grammar Nazi. Do these people really believe Jews are the only ones who misuse apostrophes? 7:55 AM Nov 4th from Birdhouse
  16. Didn't buy candy this year, but those kids were so cute I couldn't resist opening the door. They'll know to break the Xanax in half, right? 5:04 PM Oct 31st from Birdhouse
  17. Refreshing to see a homegrown, league-minimum guy like Lee beat down Steinbrenner's bluebloods. What's that kid make? Six? Ten million? 8:33 PM Oct 28th from web
  18. If your obsessive, crippling fears were entirely irrational, you'd be paranoid too. 4:04 PM Oct 27th from Birdhouse
  19. The NWA pilots that overshot Minneapolis now say they were on their laptops. Presumably waiting for your fucking Flash site to load. 9:07 AM Oct 27th from web
  20. That first cup of coffee is always the best. So maybe tell your ingrateful baby to stop screaming and enjoy it. It's supposed to be hot DUR. 7:37 AM Oct 27th from Birdhouse