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siwisdom

  1. Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
  2. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  3. Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  4. Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. —Mark Twain
  5. Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  6. Quigley's Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will atttempt to use it.
  7. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  8. Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
  9. Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
  10. Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
  11. Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
  12. Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.
  13. Q: What's a light-year? A: One-third less calories than a regular year.
  14. Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  15. Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job? A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
  16. Q: How many IBM cpu's does it take to do a logical right shift? A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
  17. Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat ? A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
  18. Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence? A: Seemed logical—I didn't have any real intelligence.
  19. Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One per person.
  20. Put your Nose to the Grindstone! —Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.