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simanoff

  1. People shouldn't wear #overalls unless they're children or dressing up as #mario for Halloween. In #alabama, this is not common knowledge.about 15 hours ago from Tweetie
  2. Don't be fooled, people of #dothan. Cheeseburgers and pizza are not traditional #mexican specialities, despite what your restaurants say.about 17 hours ago from Tweetie
  3. Stranger talking to baby on plane: "Good girl. You're a good girl, aren't you?" Slight pause. "Oh, a good *boy*. Whatever."7:50 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  4. "Apt anal traitor" is an #anagram of "#atlanta #airport."6:02 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  5. And you shall love @heebmagazine with all your heart, all your soul, and all your might.8:26 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  6. Eating #twiglets in honor of Guy Fawkes Day.8:12 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  7. I will make my cats wear #kittenmittens so they don't disturb me whilst I eat my delicious #milksteak. #sunnyfx7:06 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  8. I must buy #kittenmittons — or is that #kittenmittens. That Charlie Kelley can't spell for shit. #sunnyfx7:03 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  9. I can't believe #tacobell is introducing the Chinchilla Bell Grande.12:03 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  10. I am waiting much too long in a line I don't want to be in for a sandwich I probably won't like anyway.9:51 AM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  11. Remember, remember the Fifth of Beethoven. #guyfawkes7:44 AM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  12. Remember, remember the fifth of November.7:39 AM Nov 5th from Tweetie
  13. Happy ending to the Cinderella story! #yankees were the ragtag underdog team that beat the odds to earn love and respect. #itscalledsarcasm9:27 PM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  14. RT @BorowitzReport: The creationist mayor of St Pete thinks the Earth is 6000 yrs old. There are people in St. Pete older than that.5:19 PM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  15. Cookie : cookie dough :: human : embryo? If so, my last snack makes me an abomination.10:00 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  16. Cookie : cookie dough :: human : embryo?9:59 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  17. Eating saltines and #oreos as I head to the dentist's office for a cleaning. I like to see people work for their money.4:53 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  18. I am utilizing knowledge and leveraging communities of excellence to design new frameworks for operational efficiency.5:28 PM Nov 3rd from Tweetie
  19. Mom on Jon & Kate is clearly using kids for personal gain. Shouldn't kids be classified as income-producing assets and amortized?11:39 AM Nov 2nd from TweetDeck
  20. Product I hope I never need: #ex-lax . Product I hope no one ever invents: sex-lax.10:00 AM Nov 2nd from Tweetie
  • Name David
  • Location US (most of the time)
  • Web http://dailydave.com
  • Bio Founder of the Daily Dave 3.0, America's Favorite Blog
81 Following 85 Followers 2 Listed
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