shempzilla
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Listen, it's "ketchup," ok? That's how you spell it. I refuse to associate with anyone who says "catsup." Except my grandmother.
7:05 PM Jan 29th, 2009
from web
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According to my computer it is currently -0 degrees fahrenheit. Apparently the laws of physics have been repealed, so have at it.
11:24 AM Jan 15th, 2009
from web
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Damn you, candy manufacturers! Every mix bag contains two good kinds and three I couldn't give away for free! (which defeats the purpose...)
6:00 PM Oct 22nd, 2008
from Hahlo
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@ Oven chips? You and your crazy Britishisms.
8:24 PM Oct 21st, 2008
from web
in reply to pilky
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Relatedly, "Strippers and Ham" would be an awesome name for... well, anything really.
12:50 PM Oct 21st, 2008
from web
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Recently in Cbus Dispatch: "The vendors then showered the ODOT officials with gifts, trips, strippers and ham, the inspector general said."
12:49 PM Oct 21st, 2008
from web
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Mmmm... Five-day-old cake. For the fifth day in a row.
6:49 AM Sep 17th, 2008
from web
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Ah, vending machine muffins- you delight my morning, if not my stomach.
6:19 AM Sep 5th, 2008
from web
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Sometimes when I see motorcyclists riding without helmets, I want to knock them over with my car to teach them a lesson about safety.
2:00 PM Aug 3rd, 2008
from Hahlo
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I'm thinking about switching to baby shampoo because, you know what, I don't like to cry in the shower either.
7:12 PM Aug 1st, 2008
from Hahlo
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Things I never thought I would say but am now humiliatingly reduced to: "Hold on, I have to reboot my phone."
6:11 PM Jul 30th, 2008
from web
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What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Unless it gives you syphilis- that comes home with you.
7:12 PM Jul 16th, 2008
from web
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@ Great show last night. You had that place on fire!
7:33 AM Jun 26th, 2008
from web
in reply to birbigs
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Sometimes I wish the rest of the world would ditch its disgusting obsession with mayonnaise.
1:42 PM Jun 25th, 2008
from web
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Anyone who fries bacon in the nude is either brave or stupid. Either way, I probably wouldn't eat the bacon.
8:35 PM Jun 16th, 2008
from web
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I'm pretty good at putt-putt. My only real weakness is my short game.
8:04 PM Jun 6th, 2008
from web
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When I started on Twitter, I was afraid it would take up too much of my time. Good thing it's always down.
4:24 PM Jun 2nd, 2008
from web
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I opened the cabinet only to find name-brand paper towels at work this morning. It was like Christmas.
6:39 AM May 28th, 2008
from Hahlo
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I think the hardest accent to understand might be "gay foreigner."
2:59 PM May 27th, 2008
from web
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My concern is the the man at the table next to me with the basketball-shaped stomach appears to already be sucking it in.
10:23 AM May 23rd, 2008
from web
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- Name James Viviani
- Location Cleveland
- Web http://shempzilla...
- Bio Testing that theory about monkeys with typewriters.
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