shawnpearlman
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Have you seen the new NC-17 Disney movie? It's overrated.
7:22 AM Sep 21st
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I used to dissect frogs in English class, like Voltaire and Flaubert.
6:18 PM Sep 20th
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Today is National Punchline Day: 07-08-09 ("Seven ate nine").
9:13 AM Jul 8th
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Z, the last letter in the alphabet, indicates sleep when there are many. Zzzzz. A, the first letter, indicates being very awake. Aaaaaaa!!!
9:53 AM Jul 2nd
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I locked up my bicycle and someone stole my front tire and my seat. I'm on the lookout for anyone riding a unicycle.
3:03 PM Jul 1st
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Does anyone in NY area have access to a Labrador or German Shepherd I can use for a video sketch? (Not a one-liner)
1:19 PM May 17th
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I make 90 million dollars a week. I work at the mint.
1:39 PM May 15th
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A little from column A, a little from Columbine.
4:21 PM May 10th
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My aunt is so allergic to dogs, her eyes start watering even when I mention her dead dog.
1:06 PM May 10th
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My cell phone is anti-semitic. A Jewish friend called and it said "Restricted."
7:18 AM Apr 20th
from web
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@ I love this
12:34 PM Mar 23rd
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in reply to anthonyjeselnik
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Never put an exclamation mark at the end of "iPhone." It just looks like you're yelling the word "Phone" in Spanish.
8:33 AM Mar 9th
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Hamlet The Namedropper: "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio."
6:20 AM Feb 26th
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My blood is type O. Oops, I meant type A. That's a typo.
6:15 AM Feb 26th
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Good title for a negative review of Slumdog: "Oh, Danny Boy-le, the hype, the hype is faaaaading."
9:39 AM Feb 3rd
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My neighborhood used clothing store charges 50 bucks for tear away pants? What a ripoff!
6:37 PM Jan 29th
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Twitter update I would love to see: "Updating my twitter."
12:53 PM Jan 27th
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I wear Von Dutch hats like they're going out of style.
12:32 PM Jan 27th
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Anti-anxiety meds cure stage fright, but reduce sex drive. No problem being onstage, but can't imagine audience in their underwear.
9:02 AM Jan 27th
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Foley artists use everyday objects to create movie sound effects. For example, to replicate screaming, they use a saw and a leg.
11:02 AM Jan 26th
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