shareyourdonuts
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It's a hard transition from New Zealand to LA--especially realizing all the "Pacific Islanders" are now Mexicans
about 4 hours ago
from mobile web
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Cinnabon, how can you smell so good but taste like a hot, sticky pillow?
about 4 hours ago
from mobile web
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(while traveling in a Muslim country) Man sneezes. Me: God bless you! <gasp> I mean Allah!! <run away doubled over by fear-giggles>
1:30 AM Nov 9th
from web
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Me: Can I buy your leftover chicken to feed that poor, starving dog? Viet Man: That's MY dog. Me: Ah... so, can I pay YOU to feed him?
10:32 AM Sep 20th
from web
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Made friends with the ants in my Vietnamese hotel room. Have spelled out my name in Ritz cracker crumbs in an attempt to feign communication
10:23 AM Sep 20th
from web
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My travel blog is behind schedule (case in point: I'm in Cairo but my blog's in Wales). Visit me! I miss u! internationaljerk.wordpress.com
5:27 PM Aug 21st
from web
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My hairdresser just gave me "The Rachel". Ross likes it and Joey said I looked hot, but he'd bang anything fresher than a 4 day old corpse
12:21 PM Jul 3rd
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Rob argues that the dog's nickname should be "Farts Anonymous" because of his...robust...problem.
6:17 AM Jul 3rd
from web
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I just noticed that my dog's a-hole swells up right before he poops. Thusly, he shall forever be known as "Puffy Poo-hole".
6:13 AM Jul 3rd
from web
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Sometimes everyone's a real asshole. I'm looking at you, overturned bowl of cereal on my couch.
5:34 AM Jun 18th
from web
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Dog readjusted grasp during tug-o-war and clamped down on my nipple. Related: one sexy dog for sale.
5:33 AM Jun 18th
from web
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MC Hammer's sincere tweets disarm me. "Hammer time" is now spent respecting women and being a good role-model.
5:11 AM Jun 18th
from mobile web
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The best part about being unemployed is waking up to the entire empty day yawning before youOH GOD I'M SO LONELY
8:54 AM Jun 11th
from web
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Today I'm "dressing homeless" to scam free vaccines at a walk-in clinic. Oh no, American healthcare is doing juuuust fine.
8:51 AM Jun 11th
from web
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Train conductor just asked a guy eating pizza if he "brought enough for everyone". Mmm...stranger pizza.
9:51 PM Jun 10th
from web
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Dog buries snout in weird neighbor's crotch. Her: "He must smell my kitty cat!"
5:44 AM Jun 10th
from web
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Sharing the couch with the dog. We're having a "fart-off". We both have an early lead.
8:45 PM Jun 8th
from web
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Talking to neighbor whose job it is to greets celebs at the airport: "Who're you picking up today?" "Not David Carradine." "Yowtch!"
8:38 PM Jun 8th
from web
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Rob: "Which is the one with the butt?" Me: "Colon cancer?" Rob: "That's the one."
7:36 PM Jun 5th
from web
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Passed a guy in a too tight t-shirt that said, "I did WHAT last night??" My guess? Ate lots and lots.
5:01 PM May 22nd
from mobile web
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