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seankent
Wasn't shcoked by Adam Lambert kissing a guy. But then again I've seen A LOT of gay porn so I'm pretty inured to such things.1:04 PM Nov 24thfrom web
If you do good deeds for others the more your farts will start to smell like Jesus' breath. Totally true.12:52 PM Nov 24thfrom web
This year's hot Christmas gift? Burrito scented candles!6:13 PM Nov 23rdfrom web
This year's hot Christmas gifts? Blow jobs.12:20 PM Nov 23rdfrom web
Girlfriend is napping. Kids are watching "Bug's Life". All is quiet. Awesome. This should last for about .000042868977 seconds.12:12 PM Nov 23rdfrom web
Prediction - I will win the Seattle Comedy Competition & learn new levels of self-loathing in the process.9:27 PM Nov 22ndfrom Tweetie
Asked my kid if she wanted me to tell a story about a beautiful princess & a unicorn. She said no. Whew. Dodged that fucking bullet.12:05 PM Nov 22ndfrom web
Driving 2 gigs with @paulhooper each night. He's fucking hilarious & won't stop trying to show me his dick. Which cancels out the hilarious.11:45 AM Nov 22ndfrom web
@chucktodd isn't is possible the trip to Asia was neither a success or a failure? Why does the media have to pain the pic in b&w like that?9:58 AM Nov 22ndfrom webin reply to chucktodd
Night 5 of the Seattle Comedy Comp Semis - finished 2nd overall. Am now a lock to make the finals where I will play the Orlando Magic.3:33 AM Nov 22ndfrom web
The modern world is so complicated. Do you think Thomas Jefferson ever worried about the size of his nipples? Probably not.3:32 PM Nov 21stfrom web
Night 5 of the Seattle Comedy Comp semis. Tonight I send a message to my opponents! The message? Capitalism is bullshit.3:31 PM Nov 21stfrom web
Night 4 of the Seattle Comedy Comp semis - top 5 finish. Am still in 1st for the week. All praise to Allah or whoever the fuck is in charge.2:45 AM Nov 21stfrom Tweetie
Took 2nd in tonight's Seattle Comedy Comp semis. Still in 1st for the week. Note to self - find girlfriend's Percosets and take 1 as reward1:03 AM Nov 20thfrom web
Won night 2 of the Seattle Comedy Competition semifinals. Apparently my Wal-Mart bit brings all the boys to the yard.12:40 AM Nov 19thfrom web
At the show. This crowd looks like the waiting room at an emphysema clinic. Help.8:18 PM Nov 18thfrom Tweetie
Night 2 of the Seattle Comedy Comp semis. Gotta remember to play solid D and rebound. Also kick the other comics in the cunt.5:10 PM Nov 18thfrom web
You know what I effing hate about winter? How cold the porcelain on the toilet seat is when you have to take a shit. Fuck you, winter.5:06 PM Nov 18thfrom web
Top 5 in the Seattle Comedy Comp semis tonight. A few more & on to the finals. Or if I don't do well I will punch a baby. Either way I win!12:35 AM Nov 18thfrom web
