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scottsimpson

  1. You can now smoke opium on select Virgin America flights (look for the tiny dragon symbol next to the flight #). 2:03 PM Oct 28th from Birdhouse
  2. Fitness Tip: become morbidly obese. It's like lifting weights all day! 12:13 PM Oct 28th from Birdhouse
  3. I am very happy with my purchase of this print (although my wife called it "bachelor art"): http://is.gd/4Gbq8 11:08 AM Oct 28th from Twitterrific
  4. Dear @putthison, I'm attending your launch party on Fri but there's not enough room in my carry-on, so: wicker sportcoat or 76ers yarmulke? 6:25 PM Oct 26th from Birdhouse
  5. Really, Discovery.com? "Aviatrix"? I would argue further but I have to go ask my accountess a questienne. 1:03 PM Oct 26th from Twitterrific
  6. Oh, I forgot! @jasonpermenter came along to document my extra-mall kiosk experience: http://flic.kr/p/79Zz7x 3:29 PM Oct 24th from web
  7. The smiling banker in "Stroszek." #favoriteminorcharacters 2:40 PM Oct 24th from Birdhouse
  8. Origami Lesson: how to make paper look like a pile of shit on your doorstep: fold it into a phone book. 1:11 PM Oct 24th from Birdhouse
  9. They've got a mall kiosk for everything these days. I just got my prostate checked. For $50. Outside the mall. Inside a van marked "Kiosk." 11:13 AM Oct 24th from Birdhouse
  10. @ronxo IT MEANS YOU'RE A VIRGIN HAHA VIRGIN 2:35 PM Oct 23rd from Twitterrific in reply to ronxo
  11. May I recommend music to you? May I? The xx, "xx." The whole album. Awesome for walking around a gray city, feeling moody. ★★★★★ 9:39 AM Oct 23rd from Twitterrific
  12. The cocktail recipes on the back of this Purell bottle are shit. 9:16 AM Oct 23rd from Birdhouse
  13. "An Inconvenient Truth" is the chewing gum in the small intestine of my Netflix queue. 6:00 PM Oct 22nd from Twitterrific
  14. My estate lawyer says I can't request to be buried in a hot tub. Pardon me: my EX-estate lawyer. 5:30 PM Oct 22nd from Twitterrific
  15. Storm. Curve. Bold. Pearl. And those are just the stripper names from last night that I remember. 10:27 AM Oct 22nd from Birdhouse
  16. Finally learning to type properly. As a result, I'm typing so slowly I can actually see the words I write in emails. I'm an asshole! 8:14 AM Oct 22nd from Birdhouse
  17. Today we learn if the ridiculous amount we're offering for a house is ridiculous enough, or if the sellers will require more ridiculousness. 8:10 AM Oct 22nd from Birdhouse
  18. @3hoss Trigonometry is a myth financed by Big Triangle. 5:13 PM Oct 21st from Twitterrific in reply to 3hoss
  19. Going to w00tstock tonight because @paulandstorm are great dudes. Still can't remember which is The Handsome One and which is The Smart One. 12:59 PM Oct 20th from Twitterrific
  20. old dog : "taking it to the farm" :: kids' drawing : "taking it to work" 8:07 PM Oct 19th from Birdhouse